Leap Of Faith
by GayApparel
Summary: PostRENT COMPLETE Mimi's long gone. Angel as well. Roger and Col are the only ones left. Roger and Mark decide they want to start a family with an assist from Maureen. Slashy goodness too. Rated R kids. Sorry. Mark's POV
1. Mark Junior?

Disclaimer: I don't own or am affiliated with RENT or any of it's characters. None of them are mine. They belong to the late, great Jonathan Larson. 

Notes: This is a new story I've been trying to work on for a while. I'd like to dedicate it to Lael who has been such a great inspiration to me... And our wonderful SL. Thank you love!

This story takes place Post-RENT. Mimi's long gone. Col and Angel as well. Roger's the only one of them left. He and Mark decide they want to start a family with an assist from Maureen. It's different, I know, but I like different. I've never really written Maureen much before so if I've written her not to anyone's liking, forgive me in advance. I'm writing her as best I can. But if you like her, that's great too. Please read and review. It would mean a lot to me.

I know I should be working more on SASMTO, but lately, I can't think of anything right now. I am trying though. Chapter 16 should be up soon. Hopefully! Cross your fingers. Okay, so now on to the new story. Enjoy!

* * *

**Leap Of Faith**

Chapter 1 - Mark… Junior?

Roger and I had been talking about it now for almost a year, and we both finally came to an agreement. This was something we both decided we really wanted and we'd been discussing it with Maureen as well, and although Maureen wasn't exactly our first choice, she was the only one we both knew and well, the only one willing. The hard part would be figuring out how we'd make this happen.

"Pookie, are you really sure about this?" Maureen stepped into my and Roger's bedroom to 'entice' me. I should be used to this. After all, we did date, and I have had sex with her before. _So why does this seem so much more difficult? _

"No, but this is the only way we _can_ do this." I sighed, wishing we didn't have to do it this way.

"You know Mark, we could just go to the sperm bank and do it that way." I don't think she wanted to do this any more than I did.

"That would be a great idea. But I thought you wanted to do this the 'old-fashion' way, as you put it."

"Yeah, I thought about that last night and realized, I'm just not interested in sleeping with you again." I can always count on her to be blunt with me. But thankfully, she was thinking the same thing I was.

"Wonderful," I nearly shouted enthusiastically. "let's go." I got dressed quickly, tripping over my jeans in the process and fell flat on my face. She laughed at me and my face reddened a deep crimson. I glared at her, trying to be mad, but that didn't last. I started laughing too.

She reached down a hand and pulled me up. "You okay there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I jumped to my feet and pulled up my jeans, my face still burning a little.

"I guess you don't want to sleep with me either."

"Is it that obvious?" I said, pulling on my favourite scarf completing my ensemble.

"Well I remember a time when you couldn't wait to get me into bed. You know, I miss that sometimes Marky." Maureen brought her face really close to mine, tracing a finger over my jaw line.

"Maureen, that doesn't work anymore. It did years ago, but not anymore." I pulled away from her and walked toward the door.

She stood there pouting at me, expecting me to fall for her whims again. I rolled my eyes, exiting the bedroom and propped myself onto the table to check my camera to make sure the batteries were charged.

Maureen came out of the bedroom a few minutes later fully dressed and sat down beside me. "I'm sorry pookie. You know how I get sometimes." She kissed my cheek and smiled.

"Yeah Maureen, I know." I hopped off the table with camera in hand, heading toward the front door. "But I'm gonna go do some filming right now. I've got another project due by next week."

"You're always working now Mark. Are you sure you and Roger can handle the responsibilities of parenthood with both of you working all the time?"

"That's why we're working so much. We want to make sure we can provide for the baby."

She started laughing. I looked at her curiously. "What's so funny?"

"You. Hearing you say baby. It's weird. I just never pictured you as a father…or is it mother." She continued to laugh.

"Hey!"

"I'm just kidding with you. You'll make a great father."

"And you'll be a great mother Maureen."

The color in her face drained hearing me say those words. "Oh god. I'm gonna be a mother. How did I let you talk me into this?"

"'Cause you're the only one who'd help. Besides, you wanted to do this too."

"Oh yeah." She smiled unnervingly.

"You know," I didn't really want to say it, but… "you don't _really_ have to do this." _Although you only promised us you would. _

"Oh, Marky. I said I'd do it," She rolled her eyes and sighed like it was extremely painful for her to say. "I'll do it. Don't worry."

_It's kinda hard not to when you're having second thoughts Mo. _"Okay, I'll try. But I've gotta get going. Are you gonna head home?"

"Yeah, Joanne's expecting me. Can you believe I've stayed faithful to her this whole time Mark?"

_How does she expect me to answer that? _"Uh, yeah I suppose…" I trailed off not really sure how to respond. "Look I've really gotta go Mo. I'd love to continue this conversation," I ran back to the table and pulled her off. "but I can't talk right now. Gotta go." I pushed her out the door and closed it before she had any chance to protest.

I opened the door leading into the loft after several hours of filming, and found it to be rather warm. Roger was sitting on the table holding his guitar plucking out a few chords. He looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back. "Hey, how was work?"

"Hard. I hate working there. It's so tedious, and my boss is such an asshole." Roger laid his guitar on the table and jumped off, greeting me with a kiss.

I removed my coat and scarf, and threw them on our worn out couch. "I know, but we agreed to work so we can have a family. Unless you don't want…"

"No, I do. I really do, it's just, well, I just wish I had a different job." We sat back down on the table together and he laid his head on my shoulder. A sigh escaped his lips.

"I know Rog." My fingers stroked through his hair gently. I kissed him sweetly on his forehead. "I love you Roger."

"I know. Love you too."

"Have you taken your AZT today?"

"Shit, I knew I forgot something."

"Go take it now. Remember, you wanna be as healthy as you can for our child."

"Yeah I know. I'm trying. I really am Mark." He jumped up from the table a little perturbed.

"And you're doing a great job Roger." I touched his shoulder lightly to keep him calm, and to let him know it's okay. A reassuring smile formed across my lips.

"Thanks. That means a lot Mark." He flashed me a simple smile and darted off to the bathroom to take his meds. I sat there on the table just thinking. _What if this really isn't a good idea? What if what we're doing will only make things harder for ourselves? I mean, we really want to do this. We really want to raise a child together, but can we do it? Can we really do it? _


	2. Moment of Truth

Disclaimer: Still don't own any of these fabulous RENT characters.

Notes: Oh my. Two chapters at once? I know, sometimes I amaze myself. J/K. Although I am easily amused, but that's a whole other story. Again, kindly read and review. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 2 - Moment of Truth 

"Okay Maureen, I'll be there. Nine o'clock. Got it. Yes Maureen I'll be on time. Have you ever known me to be late? Yes. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"What's Mo bitching about this time, Mark?" Roger surprised the hell out of me, sneaking up on me, and I jumped nearly three feet into the air.

"Oh god! Roger don't do that. You could've given me a heart attack."

"Sorry, I thought you saw me come in."

I shook my head. "All I could hear was Maureen yelling about being on time to the sperm bank tomorrow morning."

"Poor baby." Roger said condescendingly, pouting his lip for a more effective banter.

"I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Cute Rog. Very cute. You know how Maureen gets. You've known her as long as I have."

"I know. I'm sorry. Really." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close for a sweet kiss.

"Don't think this'll score you any points mister." I glared playfully at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and he kissed me again.

"Is it working yet?"

"Not yet. I think I need more convincing." I smirked and he kissed me again. This time a bit more passionately.

"Anything yet?"

"Well…" He pulled me as tightly to him as possible kissing me even more fervently. His tongue twirling with mine in our mouths. I melted in his arms at that moment.

He grinned in our kiss, knowing he had won, and lifted me up onto his waist. I wrapped my legs around them and he carried me to our bedroom. He laid me gently onto the bed and broke our kiss to take off my pants. _Now this is more like it. It's not Maureen._

He made love to me right then and there. Using protection of course. It's the only way. We agreed never to do it otherwise. Especially if we want this child. One of us had to stay healthy.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The next morning)

"Roger I've really gotta go. If I'm late I'll never hear the end of it. Do you really want me to have to go through that with Maureen?" He kept trying to get me back into bed as I tried to dress in a hurry.

"Come on Marky. She'll get over it. I mean, how often did you have to put up with her shit, right?"

"That's beside the point Roger. She doesn't care about that. All she'll care about is me showing up late and she'll give me hell about it. So," I leaned down and kissed him quickly. "I'll see you later. Don't be late for work, okay?" I dashed out of the bedroom and grabbed my coat and scarf which were still laying on the couch.

"I won't." I hear him shout to me as I ran out the door.

I hopped into the car Roger and I bought not to long ago with our combined paychecks. It's not the greatest car, but it gets us around. It's an old car too. A 1976 Cadillac Eldorado, rusty orange, and a about a hundred million miles on it. Not really, but close enough. It's a gas guzzler too. But it does get us to where we need to get. I drove down to the sperm bank barely getting there on time.

Standing outside the bank was Maureen, tapping her foot and looking at her watch. "Cutting it close are we?"

"I'm on time aren't I? I never said I'd be early."

She breathed out a exasperated sigh and dragged me by the arm into the building. She exchanged a few words with the receptionist who told us to wait in the waiting room till they called us.

"Are you sure you really want to do this, pookie? I'm only asking because I'm concerned. Are you sure this is what you and Roger should be doing? I mean, he's sick after all, and when he finally, well, dies, then you'll be left alone to raise the baby."

I rolled my eyes at her 'choice' of phrasing about Roger. "Mo, have you forgotten you'll be the baby's mother? I would like to think you'd want some part in this child's life too. Am I wrong in assuming this?"

"Well no, but that's not what I mean. But the way you make it sound, you and Roger will be doing most of the raising. I'll just be there to… feed it?" She shrugged.

I sighed shaking my head. "Mo, you'll be doing much more than just feeding it. You'll be it's mom. You know, the person he or she will go to when both dads' aren't giving in to their 'charms'. It sounds to me like you're the one having second thoughts. Are you Maureen?"

"NO!" She answered hastily, which of course caused me to question it even more, but I just let it go.

"Okay then. So then there's no problems."

Thankfully that was when they called us in. We were lead to a room filled with posters of both male and female genitalia charts plastered on the walls. _How lovely._

I was given a cup to fill and told to go to the room through another door. I was also told there were magazines in there to 'help' me along. I came to find that none of those magazines would help me in the least. _Straight men mags. Go figure._

I closed my eyes and thought purely of Roger and what we did the previous night. Before I knew it I had filled the cup. _I hope this'll be enough._ I made my way back to the room where Maureen awaited my arrival. I handed back the cup and now it was Maureen's turn. I was told to go back to the waiting room since my part was finished. Apparently Mo had told them we weren't 'together' so I was no longer necessary.

After what seemed like hours, then again, it probably was, Maureen appeared and we left.

"So was it… weird?" I asked her as if my part wasn't awkward enough.

"Nah, it wasn't so bad. I just hope it took." She seemed so at ease at the moment that I almost wonder if she went through with it.

"That makes two of us Mo. How long before we know for sure?"

"I figure when I start showing, then we'll know for sure." She giggled and I laughed nervously. _Not funny Maureen. _

"Yeah, I guess so."

I got into my car and drove home immediately. I just wanted to get more work done on my film before I got in trouble. After picking up my camera, I made my way to Central Park.

_Roger won't be home till later tonight so I have all day to work. I'm just glad I was able to find a job that allowed me to do what I know I do best. Filming documentaries. Of course, I don't get paid all that much, but it's better than no income at all. And I'm just glad Roger found a job too. Working as a greeter at the local department store. Granted it's the worse job anyone could possibly want, but it's better than no job at all. Especially since he's not exactly the friendliest person, nor did the gig thing work for him. Which is to bad, his band was good. He's thought about going solo, which I still think he should do, but with his job and now a baby hopefully on the way, it's almost impossible. _

_"Mark?" My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice. I looked up from the camera to see a woman I hadn't seen in over a year. _

"Cindy? What are you doing here?" My sister of all people was in Central Park. I looked beyond her and saw her three kids running around playing.

"Well Jim and I decided to take a trip into the city so the kids could see it first hand. We've been all over the city and thought it'd be nice to take a break and have a picnic in the park."

"Well just be careful. I've heard things can happen here, especially after dark."

"Of course. But what are you doing here?"

I looked at my camera and glanced back at her. "Uh, working actually. I've got an assignment due by next week and I still need time to edit it."

"Oh, well wait till I tell mom. She'll be thrilled to hear you've got a job." Cindy smiled at me.

"That's if mom can get passed the whole thing with Roger and me. You remember how she reacted to that last Thanksgiving?"

"How could I forget. The look on her face was priceless when you told her you and Roger were a couple." She laughed remembering the past events. I laughed too.

"Yeah, and dad about died. His only son, 'a fag' as he put it. 'A fairy boy' was the other term." I hadn't realized it at that moment, but I had been filming our conversation. I had completely forgotten to turn off my camera.

"Hey kids, come say hi to your uncle." She ushered the kids over to us and I knelt down to greet them.

"Hey, how are my favourite children?" I hugged them as a group.

In almost perfect unison they responded. "Good."

"Now kids, go tell your father to come say hi to your uncle."

"No Cindy that…"

"Marky, I won't take no for an answer. Jim's always been fond of you, and he even stood up for you to mom and dad. Remember?"

I sighed, knowing she was right, at the same time wishing I could just get out of it. "Yeah I remember." My sister is so much like our mother in so many ways, it's almost frightening. She certainly knew how to lay on a guilt trip.

"Hey Mark, it's been what, over a year now?" Jim grasped my hand firmly giving it a good shake. I felt like my hand would fall off.

"Yeah, since last Thanksgiving. So how have you been? Working hard?" I wasn't really sure what else to say to him.

"More like hardly working." He chuckled heartily and gave me a solid pat on the back. I nearly fell over. I reached up to fix my glasses before they fell off my face.

"Well that's good to hear. Look, I really hate to cut this short Jim, Cindy, but I've really gotta get back to work." I glanced at my camera and that's when I realized it was on. _Shit. It's been on this whole time. I just wasted all that film._

"Oh well that's to bad. We were going to ask if you'd like to join us for our picnic." Cindy began trying to make me feel bad.

"Well I've really gotta…"

"Please uncle Mark." All three kids said at once. The pouty looks on their faces was enough to get me to stay. Goodness, like mother like children.

I sighed inwardly. "Okay. I'll stay."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That was a wonderful meal Cindy. Thanks for inviting me. I really enjoyed it."

"Did you really Mark?" She stared at me like she was staring into my soul, much the way our mom did to see if I was lying.

"Yes Cindy. Really." I did my best to sound as convincing as possible. After all, it wasn't really that bad.

"Well, okay. I believe you."

"Hey Cindy, I've really do have to get going now. But there's something I want to tell you before I go."

"Sure, what is it?" She gave me her full attention.

"Well you remember when mom went on and on about me never giving her a grandchild?"

"Yeah, I remember that speech. I got it too, even while I was pregnant with David."

"Well… I'm having a baby."

She looked at me strangely for a moment, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean, you're having a baby?"

"Well Maureen and I are having a baby."

"I'm confused. I thought you were with Roger."

"I am. But we decided we wanted to start a family and Maureen agreed to be our baby's mother. And since he's… sick, I'll be the biological father."

Her face lit up. "Oh my goodness, that's wonderful news. Congratulations. How far along is she? What's she having?"

"Slow down Cindy. We just inseminated her today. We don't even know if it took."

"Oh. Well that's still great news. Do you want me to tell mom or would you like to tell her?"

"I'd like to hold off on telling her anything until we know for sure okay. You're the first person I've told so don't even tell Jim, okay?"

She nodded and hugged me. "This is so exciting. You'll love being a parent. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world."

"So I've heard. I can't wait either. And I know mom'll be thrilled indeed. But I've really gotta go Cindy. Love you. Remember, don't tell mom yet. I would like to be the one to tell her, okay?" I hugged her goodbye.

"Okay, don't worry so much. I won't tell her."

I left her standing there as I took of running toward my car. I couldn't help but worry. Cindy's always been known to be a blabber-mouth. Ever since we were kids. I surprised myself by telling her in the first place, but I had to tell someone. It really was exciting news.

* * *

Notes: So what do you guys really think? Mark and Roger, having a child... with Maureen no less?? 


	3. Pink or Blue

Disclaimer: Don't own RENT characters. Just renting them for fun.

Notes: Thank you fraulien and FruitBox for your reviews. I appreciate them very much. I've decided to try a third chap. So far I think it's going well. As I've said before, I've never really written Maureen so I hope I'm writing her to everyone's liking. I know exactly how I want to do this story and hope to have the chance to finish it.

Just so everyone knows, this takes place a few years or so after RENT. One of those things where Roger wants to make something more of his life. Now that he's found his song, he wants to make his mark. No pun intended. What better way than to raise a child with the man he loves right? I know it's a bit sappy now, but that's only cuz I've been writing some interesting... um, stories? Yeah... But there will be some angst, I promise. And more slashy goodness. Well thanks again to all of you for your support. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3 - Pink or Blue

"Pookie, is the test pink or blue?" Maureen called to me from the living room. I wasn't anywhere near the bathroom, but what the hell. I'll get up from my bed, after barely waking from a nap to see if her pregnancy test is pink or blue.

"Maureen, it's only been two weeks. Will you be able to tell this early?" I asked, walking out of my bedroom sleepily, barely able to see anything in front of me. I rubbed my eyes then slipped my glasses on. I glanced around the loft and saw only Maureen. _I wonder where Roger is. _"What's the difference between pink and blue anyway, and what are you doing here?"

"Pink means no, and blue means yes. And I'm here because I thought you'd like to know the results when I did. I was supposed to start my period four days ago, and since I didn't, I figured it's as good a time as any to find out if we're going to be parents." She jumped up off the couch and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. _Ugh!_

I wiped my cheek of her 'kiss' then wiped my hand on my jeans. "Thank you?" _Not that I don't 'appreciate' you coming over and waking me up._

She rolled her eyes at me then grabbed my hand. "Come on. Let's go see if we're pregnant."

I yawned and wearily walked with her to the bathroom. She flipped the switch and my eyes automatically shut. "Oh that's bright." It's usually pretty dark in the loft and my eyes hadn't had time to adjust.

She ignored my complaint and picked up the stick sitting on the counter. I watched as her expression dropped from a cheerful disposition to a completely somber one. I wasn't sure however, if that meant it was pink or blue.

"Well? Is it pink or blue?" I found myself getting anxious. This one little stick could determine whether or not I would be a father. It all came down to this, and I couldn't wait to know.

I watched her gulp what looked like a lump in her throat. She could barely get the words out so she handed me the stick. I hesitated taking it from her, but I seemed to have had no control over my hand which yanked it from her own. I swallowed the lump that seemed to lodge itself in the back of my throat as my eyes gazed upon the stick.

"It's blue." I paused a moment as the realization sunk in. "It's blue! Oh my god Maureen, it's blue!"

"Okay, that's what I thought it was." She spoke as she came to terms with it as well.

"Do you realize what this means Maureen? I mean…" I nearly fell down from the shock and the sheer excitement I could feel building in the pit of my stomach.

"Yeah Mark. I'm… I'm…"

"We're gonna be…"

"Parents!" We somehow exclaimed at the same exact moment. I think I was much more thrilled about it than she was.

She kept staring at the bathroom mirror as if she was looking for something. She baffled me when she kept turning around to look at her butt, then she'd make this painful face. I wanted to laugh, but I had a feeling if I had, I'd be in a lot of pain. So I kept my mouth shut and laughed inwardly.

After about a good ten minutes I broke the ice again. "So who should we tell first?" I wanted to tell the world, but at the same time not tell a soul. Except for Roger of course.

She turned to face me, glaring right through me. I felt as if I was shrinking right before her eyes. _Maybe I should've just kept my mouth shut. _She sucked in a deep breath and I braced for impact. But instead of yelling, she remained calm. "I think we should just keep this to ourselves."

I shrugged, not sure what else to say or do. "Okay. But can I at least tell Roger? After all, he is the father too… sorta."

"Just Roger. No one else." She went back to looking in the mirror. She lifted her shirt poking and prodding at her stomach. She pinched a small amount of flesh and sighed.

"Maureen," I started. I wasn't sure if I should say what I was about to say, but I did anyway. "You look great."

_Bad idea. _She glared at me through the mirror. I could feel her eyes burning right through my skin. I practically ran out of that bathroom without so much as a second look. I decided I should make a break for it, so I grabbed my camera, my coat, and my scarf and made my way to the door.

"Maureen, I'm gonna go do some work. Just leave whenever…" I trailed off, walking out the door, not giving her a chance to object to my leaving.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My walk back up to the loft seemed much longer than usual. My mind was racing. Thought after thought flooded my brain. Thoughts of what the future holds, of what to expect. If it'll be a boy or a girl. Names. _Oh my god, what are we gonna call it…him…her? _

"Roger," I called out as I entered the loft. "Rog, are you home?" There weren't any lights on, and it was already dark. I clicked on the lamp sitting beside the couch on a box, which hardly gave any light, but just enough to see. No one was there. _Where is he?_

"Roger," I decided to call out one more time. Still nothing. I walked back to the bedroom and he wasn't in there either. _Where the hell could he be?_ I made my way back out to the living room and my eye caught a piece of paper resting on the table.

Hey Mark,

Over at Mo and Jo's. Meet me over there as soon as you get this.

-Rog

_Hmm, what's he doing there? I thought he hated going there. I dropped the paper back onto the table and exited the loft. _

_And how did he get there anyway? I had the car. Did they come pick him up? Did he take the subway? What could he be doing there anyway? The last time we were there he told me he would never step foot into their place again. So why is he there?_

_It didn't take me long to get there. The next thing I knew I had pulled up to Maureen and Joanne's place. I parked and hopped out._

_"Mark, you made it." I was greeted by a smile clad Joanne. _

"Made it?" I was ushered in and my coat and scarf taken. I felt lost up until the point I walked into the living room.

"Surprise!" They all yelled at once. I'm startled to the point I jump back and scream. I certainly wasn't expecting it.

After regaining my composure I raised a brow at Maureen who only smiled at me. _I guess she told everyone. But I thought…_

"Hey, how was work?" Roger approached me kissing me on the lips lightly.

"The same as usual. Hey where were you earlier? I laid down with you for a nap and when I woke up, you were gone and Maureen was there."

"I had to pick up my paycheck. It's payday today, remember?"

_Obviously not._ "Oh, ok. I've had a lot on my mind since this whole thing, so I forgot. So what happened? Earlier Maureen didn't want to tell anyone, and now this? I'm confused."

"Who really knows with Mo. But hey, we're gonna be… oh fuck! We're gonna be parents." I laughed at him a little watching him realize that this was actually happening.

"Yeah. So what are we gonna name him or her?" It was the one thought that had been lingering in my mind.

His eyes opened widely. "Holy shit. This is really happening isn't it?" It took him a few minutes to get over the initial shock then continued. "I don't know. What do you think?"

I just shrugged. It's easier that way.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur. We celebrated the fact that Maureen was actually pregnant. She gave me a runaround answer to why she decided to tell everyone. I'll never understand that woman. Or any woman for that matter. But the night was fun, although I felt like my mother, which frightened me to near death. I had to keep Maureen from drinking, with aide from Joanne, thankfully. And I had to keep Roger from drinking to much since he had to work in the morning. And I couldn't drink at all since I had to drive. But all in all, it was fun.


	4. Oh Mo!

Disclaimer: Still don't own any of these wonderful characters.

Notes: Thank you all so far for all the positive feedback. Fraulein, Fruit Box, and IheartscrawnyJewishboys, thank you. You guys have been awesome to me. Thank you again. Here's chapter 4 already. See Lael, even while we... um do our SL, I can still write my stories.

Thanks all again for your reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Especially the slashy goodness allyou slasherfans out there. :-D And again, I promise it won't be all mush, there will be some angst... eventually. If only to torture poor Roger. Well, and Mark too of course. Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 4 - Oh Mo! 

"OH MY GOD I'M FAT!!!" Were the words I suddenly heard coming from the hall outside the loft. Roger and I jumped up from the table and ran to the door.

"Maureen?" I opened the door and she was standing there looking mortified. It had only been two months since we found out she was pregnant, and she wasn't even showing yet.

I laughed. "Mo, you're not fat. You're not even showing yet."

She shoved passed me into the loft and plopped down dramatically on the couch. "Marky look at me. I'm huge. I'm the size of a house." She began to 'cry.' I wanted to laugh, but I knew that'd be a bad idea.

"Maureen, have you been looking into funhouse mirrors again?" Roger asked cynically. I snickered and she glared hard at him.

"That's not funny Roger. Look at me. I'm so fat." She pinched a small amount of flesh from her stomach glancing back and forth between Roger and I.

He laughed at her, then sat down beside her placing a hand on her knee. "Maureen, you're not fat. You're beautiful."

I raised a brow at Roger. _Did he actually just say that to Maureen? _

I opened my mouth to speak and he shushed me,then continued. "You're gonna make a wonderful mother, and you're not fat." I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"You're just saying that Roger, and you repeated yourself." She shot up from the couch. "Oh Marky, tell you're 'husband' he doesn't have lie to me. I know I'm fat." She leaned on my shoulder and started crying.

_Very funny Mo. _I tried my best to comfort her. This must be the hormones the doctor told us about. And we still have seven more months to go. _Oh boy… or girl!_

"Maureen, you're not fat, you're pregnant. And you really do look beautiful." I didn't know what else to tell her. I stroked her hair sweetly hoping it'll calm her down.

She pulled away from me and wiped away her tears. "You're right Mark. I am beautiful." _Well that seemed to work._

"You are Mo." _Now please leave so I can have some alone time with Roger._ I was anxious to get her out of the loft. Roger and I hadn't had much time to spend together since I'd been going with Maureen to her checkups,and he'd been working a lot more since he got promoted.

_The only reason they promoted him was because he was so depressing as a greeter, but he was a hard worker. I remember it was during the holidays a couple of months ago, I went to see him at work and he was arguing with this elderly couple. They didn't think he was 'friendly' enough and started bitching him out. I watched as he 'tried' not to get angry at them. It was a funny sight though. His manger came out after hearing the commotion a few minutes later, and the old lady smack him with her purse. Roger and I laughed and the old lady hit him too. Her husband thankfully stopped her before she could hit me. So they promoted him. Now he's an actual sales associate, earning a commission and everything._

"Mark, will you take me home? I'm kind of tired." Maureen interrupted my thoughts suddenly.

"Oh sure. But how did you get here?"

"I took Joanne's car." She grinned impishly.

"Well if you have Joanne's car, why do you need me to take you home?" I raised a brow curiously at her.

"Because I don't want to go home alone right now." I could tell she was becoming emotional again.

I quickly agreed not wanting to deal with that again. "Okay Mo. Let's go." I sighed inwardly and gestured for Roger to follow in our car so I have a way home.

"Maureen, where have you been?" Joanne hollered once we arrived. She had her hands on her hips standing in the doorway.

"Oh lighten up Joanne. I just went out for a little drive. I needed to get out of here. It was getting really stuffy…"

"So you went to see Mark?" _They still fight about me, even after all this time. _I rolled my eyes and made my exit of their place not caring to hear anymore of their squabbling.

I waited on the curb for Roger to show up. _What's taking him so long? He was right behind me on the way here. It's cold out here. You'd think February would be somewhat warmer with it being so close to Spring, but…_

"Hey cutie. How much?" I looked up and saw Roger.

"Ha ha. Very funny Rog." I glared playfully at him and got into the car.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mark, have you thought of ideas for names yet?" Roger rolled over in our bed and wrapped an arm around my stomach.

"Not yet. Okay, that's a lie. That's the one thing I can't stop thinking about. I have some ideas, but I wasn't sure when I should bring them up to you."

"Hey, now's a good a time as any." He leaned up and kissed my cheek.

"Well, I was thinking if it's a boy we could call him Angel? What do you think? I mean, I think that…"

I think that's a great idea." He smiled warmly.

I smiled back, my insides jumping for joy. "Wonderful. Collins would've loved that. Oh, how about Angel Collins for his full name?"

"Not bad. But what last name will he have? Yours or mine? After all, he'll be _our_ son, right?"

"Right. I don't know. I guess we could hyphenate it." I shrugged not to sure what else to say.

"Okay, but who's name goes first?"

"I don't know. Let's see how they sound. Angel Collins Davis-Cohen. Or Angel Collins Cohen-Davis."

"I like Cohen-Davis myself." He grinned smugly.

"Actually so do I. I think it sounds better that way." Finally catching on to his meaning, I gave him a slight shove.

He laughed. "Took you long enough. I like it 'cause he'll more than likely be referred too as Angel Davis instead of Angel Cohen."

I shook my head, rolled my eyes and sighed. "Oh Roger, only you."

"So what if Maureen has a girl, what should we call her?"

"I was thinking we could probably call her Maureen after her mom?"

The look on his face turned sour. "No way! We will not do that to the poor girl. It's bad enough she'll _have_ Maureen as her mother…"

"That's just fucked Roger."

"Oh come on. You can't tell me you haven't thought that same thing. Admit it Marky."

"That's beside the point Rog. It was still fucked up."

"But you admit you thought the same thing?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Ha! I knew it."

"Shut up." I took a bold move saying that to Roger.

"Excuse me? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He sat up and put his hands on his hips. That was the cue to continue to play.

"Yeah I did. So what're you gonna do about it?" I held my ground, trying not to laugh at the awestruck look on his face.

He growled at me then pounced. This was the worst part of the game. He tickled me mercilessly. I screamed like a little girl before he finally gave in. "That's so not fair Rog. You know I'm extremely ticklish."

He grinned mischievously. "I know. That's why I do it. I know I'll always win."

"You can be such an bitch Roger." I glared intensely at him, partially playful, partially not.

"I know. But you love me anyway."

My eyes softened. "Yeah, I do." I leaned into him and kissed him firmly on the lips.

He accepted my invitation and kissed me with such fervor. His hands wandered about my body, tracing his fingertips across my hot skin. I begged for more with my movements and he gave me more. Much more. Before I knew it, he was deep inside and I cried out in sheer pleasure.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning I woke up and Roger had already left for work. I walked into the living room and the answering machine light was blinking. I figured it was probably work wondering where my latest project was. I pushed the button-

"Mark, this is your mother. Where are you? Why didn't you tell me about the baby? I had to hear about it from your sister. Were you ever planning on tell me or keep it a secret until the baby was born? I'm very disappointed in you Mark Cohen. How could you not tell me you and Maureen were planning a family? I'm your mother Mark. You should have told me before anyone else. Even your father's upset. How could you do this to your family Mark?" Beep.

_OH GOD! I knew Cindy would do this. I'm just surprised it took her this long to blab. If I call her back she'll just bitch at me more for not telling her. And if I don't call her back, she'll bitch at me for not calling her back and about not telling her. It's a lose, lose situation._ I sighed heavily.

_And it's not Maureen and I who're planning a family. It's Roger and I. Maureen just happens to be the baby's mother. Like I could tell her that. It's bad enough she barely accepts Roger and I in the first place. Let alone telling her that it's Rog and I planning all this. _I sighed again.

_What am I gonna do? I wish Roger was here right now. He'd know what to do. Yeah, he'd tell me not to bother calling, and hope she doesn't call back. Thank goodness we have an answering machine otherwise I'd be screwed. I probably should have told her, especially right after we found out. But it had slipped my mind. She won't buy that though. She'll just say that I didn't want to tell her. She'll never believe me. _

The phone rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I decided against answering it, thinking it was probably my mom again. _Speak…_

"Roger? Roger honey are you there? It's mom. Give me a call as soon as you get this honey. I'll be home all day. Love you." Beep.

_Oh thank goodness. I would've felt bad if it was my mom. I really should call her back though. I could always just hang up on her if she gets to bitchy. Yeah, I'll never hear the end of that one if I do that. Damn, I hate this. Fuck it, I'll just go out, get some work done, and figure this all out when Roger gets home later tonight._


	5. To Close To The End

Disclaimer: Not mine. Still not mine. Wish it was.

Notes: I've been RPing way to much. Not that it's a bad thing… trust me. Right Lael? Okay, so it took me forever to get this out, but it's here now. I don't mean to take forever between updates, but it seems to end up that way. Creative block. The inspired zone of my brain has atrophied (been listening to NYTW to much lately too).

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 5 - To Close To The End 

A week had gone by, and I still hadn't called my mom. She called quite a few more times since then too. Roger called his mother back that same night, and his mom was very supportive of our decision. My mom on the other hand was going to be much more difficult to convince.

"Hello?"

"Mom. Hi."

"Mark Cohen why didn't you call me sooner? I've been worried sick about you. How come you didn't tell me what you've been planning? I had to hear it from your sister."

"Mom… mom." _It's so hard to get a word in edgewise with her._ "Mom, I didn't tell you because I was worried about what you'd think."

"What I think? I'll tell you what I think. I think you should have talked to me about it before making such a big decision. I'm just glad you finally came to your senses and decided to get back together with Maureen. You two will make wonderful parents. But don't you think you should get married first? I don't want my grandbaby to be a bastard child."

"Mom? Mom, you're not listening… mom." _Urgh! Why does she always have to do this?_

She kept going on and on about how Maureen and I should get married. "Marky honey, I'm only looking out for you. If you and Maureen get married, it'll be good for the baby, so he or she will have both parents."

"Mom, no you're not listening to me. Maureen and I aren't getting married."

"Well why not? She'll make a wonderful wife, and a wonderful mother."

I sighed. She was never one to 'listen' to others. At least, not until she got _her_ point out first. And she wasn't finished getting her point across.

"Yes mom, I'm sure Maureen would make a great wife, just not my wife. Mom, she's still with Joanne."

She continued on as if she just didn't hear me, or chose to ignore me. "Marky honey, will Maureen's parents be paying for this wedding? Oh, I have so many ideas for the wedding. Do you think her parents would mind if I helped? Of course they wouldn't mind. What am I thinking?"

"Mom… MOM!"

"Mark Cohen, don't yell at your mother."

"I'm sorry mom, but you're just not listening to me. Maureen and I are _not_ getting married. And we're _not_ raising the baby together either. Roger and I are."

"What? You're not serious Mark. You and Roger can't raise a child together. It's… It's… No."

"Mom, it's not up for discussion. Roger and I are going to raise this child together. Roger'll make a great dad…"

"How can he Mark? He could die at any given moment, leaving you with all the responsibilities. Not to mention, how does he plan on caring for a child in his condition?"

"Mom, Roger's fine right now. He's been taking his AZT everyday, and on time, and his T-cell count is at an all time high. He's fine. We can do this."

Her voice softened. Concerned. "Mark, I'm only trying to look out for you. I love you honey. You're my baby boy, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Mom, Roger loves me, and I love him. I wish you'd understand that."

"Understand that you love a man? I don't want to hear it Mark. I told you already I don't approve of it, and now you want to bring a child into your little… well I don't know what to call it."

"Our relationship mom. Roger and I have a relationship. I know you don't approve, but that's what it is mom."

"No Mark. It's not a relationship. It's a sin. It's…"

"It's love, mom."

I then heard the phone click. She hung up on me. I sighed heavily, and hung up my phone. I walked into the bedroom where Roger was napping, and laid beside him, wrapping my arm around his back. I kissed the back of his neck softly, and he turned around to face me, and kissed my lips.

"I heard you talking to your mom."

"Yeah. She was telling me I should marry Maureen before the baby's born."

He snorted. "You and Mo? Married?" He burst into laughter.

"Hey, it's not funny."

"Yeah it is, and you know it."

I gave in and chuckled. "Yeah it is. God, can you see that wedding day?" I shuddered at the thought. "She'd probably make _me_ wear the dress."

"Yeah, but you'd look so pretty in it."

I grabbed the pillow from under my head and whack him with it. He snickered. "Well it's true, you would."

"I would not, Roger."

"You so would." He paused and just stared at me as if he were actually picturing me in that dress. He must have, 'cause he suddenly burst into an hysterical fit.

I glared hard at him, but he continued to laugh. "You're such an ass, Roger Davis."

"Yeah, but what're you gonna do about it?"

"I can refuse you." I smirked, thinking I had the upper hand. He proved me wrong of course, when he pulled me by the collar and crushed his lips to mine. I melted immediately. He always knew how to get to me.

"That wasn't fair Rog." I said after a few moments of being lost in his kiss.

He grinned cheekily. "I know. But you have to admit, you loved it."

"That's beside the point Rog."

* * *

"MARKY!" Maureen screeched from the front door, waking me from a nice dream. I nearly fell off the bed before I realized what happened. I grabbed my glasses from the milk crate nightstand, and ran out into the living room. Roger just covered his head with the pillow, whining. 

"What the fuck? What is it Maureen?"

"Marky, I hate this. I feel so bloated and fat." She walked over to me, hugging me, laying her head on my shoulder, and whined.

"Maureen, you're not fat. You're still not even showing." _Wait for a few more months. _

"I can feel it Mark. I can feel my body getting fatter. I don't wanna be pregnant anymore."

"Maureen, it's to late to change your mind now. You're not even three months along."

"It's not fair. Why do I have to carry this? Why can't you be the one to carry this?"

I just gave her a look. _I couldn't, even if I wanted to._ "Calm down, Mo. Getting flustered isn't gonna make it any easier."

"Getting flustered? Who's getting flustered?" Her mood swings were becoming annoying, but I just consoled her as I always did.

"Where's Joanne?"

"She's at work. She's got a big case she's working on, and has no time for me."

_That explains why you're always over here._ "So why don't you go do something? Maybe start up another protest."

"Hmm…" That seemed to cheer her up slightly. "I could do that. I'll protest how women shouldn't have to be the only ones to carry babies. Yeah, and you can put on one of those fake stomachs, and be my model for the protest."

"I don't think so Maureen. I've got a lot of work that needs to get done."

She suddenly cupped her hand over her mouth, and ran to the bathroom. Morning sickness. I tried to tune out the sound of her vomiting, but there was really no way of doing so. Roger stepped out of the bedroom cringing.

"Is that how I sound?"

"Pretty much. How are you feeling?"

"Weak."

"Have you taken your AZT today?"

"Yeah, I took it before taking my nap."

Maureen finished, and stepped out. "I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Next time you two decide you want something like this, don't ask me. I'm going home. I'm tired."

Before either of us could say another word, she was out the door. We glanced at each other, and I shrugged. "It's Maureen, what can I say?"

Roger fell to the floor in an instant, and I was by his side just as quickly. "Roger, are you okay?"

He closed his eyes, then nodded. "I will be. Just give me a minute." He held on to my shoulder quite tightly to hold himself up.

"Roger, I've got you." I held on to him as best I could. He wasn't that much bigger than me, but I still wasn't all that strong either, and could barely hold him up. He's lost a lot of weight since I've known him. Mainly due to his illness.

I carefully helped him to the couch, and sat him down. "Roger, what's wrong?"

"I just got dizzy. I'm fine." He flashed me a smile, though I could tell he wasn't doing to well.

"Roger, if something's wrong…"

"I'm fine. Really."

"Maybe I should take you to the hospital…"

"No. We can't afford it anyway. Besides, I'm fine." I could hear in his voice he wanted me to drop it. He hated hospitals. Especially when he found out he was HIV positive. He said he always felt helpless, and that was the one thing he hated more than anything else, feeling helpless.

"Alright Roger." _If that's what you really want. _I sighed heavily, and he shot me a nasty look.

"I said, I'm fine." He snarled at me. _Fuck, I went and pissed him off._

"Okay, if you say so." I practically whispered the words. I watched him storm off into the bedroom, as he always had, whenever he didn't want to face his problems. I felt the tears pricking at my eyelids. I blinked them away, I didn't want to cry. I wanted to save my tears for a more appropriate time, which I dreaded constantly. With that in mind, I stood up, and made my way to the bedroom.

"Roger," I opened the door slowly. "Roger, I'm sorry."

He turned to look at me. There were tears in his eyes. Completely unexpected. "Roger, why are you crying?"

"'Cause you're right. 'Cause you're always right. I should go to the hospital, but I just don't… we can't afford it. Not while we're trying to save for this… this family we want." He sat up on the bed, patted the space beside him, urging me to sit. I sat, right next to him, enfolding my arms around his shoulders, comforting him.

"Mark, I'm dying."

My heart broke hearing those words slide off his lips, as if it was just another sentence. One with absolutely no meaning, but this one _had_ meaning. This one meant that Roger would be gone soon.

"Roger, don't say. Please don't say that. You're not dying, not yet." The waterworks made their official appearance.

"Mark, it's only a matter of time." We switched positions in comfort. He lifted my chin to meet his eyes, then gently wiped away my tears. "Don't cry, Mark. It's not a pretty sight."

I smiled bitterly. "Very funny, Roger."

"Eh, I try."

"Roger, this is serious. You are dying, and that means I'm losing you."

"But you haven't lost me yet. Just remember that. We still have time together." His voice soft, reassuring. He wiped more of my tears away.

"Kiss me. I need to feel you."

He did. A beautiful, passionate kiss. One the world would be jealous of, and it was all mine.

* * *

"Idle hands spend time at the genitals. And you know how much god hates that." Something Roger would so say to Mark. Just thought I'd share that. Thank you Aqua Teen Hunger Force! 


	6. Family Moments

Disclaimer: I don't own, I rent... or should I say borrow.

Notes: Uh... So yeah, running a bit late on the update, but that's only cuz I have no internet access... AGAIN! In the middle of a crappy move once again, and internet access is hard to come by. Therefore, I go to the Jess' house and borrow her comp... moohahaha. So here's chapter 6. Please enjoy!

As always, this is dedicated to my favourite girl, Lael. Love you, girl!

* * *

Chapter 6 - Family Moments

_Maureen's now in her second trimester. This is getting harder. How did we ever let ourselves get into this? _"June sixteenth, ten twenty-four am. Maureen, wave to the camera. This is your mom…"

"Mark, get that camera out of my face, now!"

I panned right to Roger, sitting on the table, playing his guitar. It seemed like it'd been forever since he'd played that guitar. He was always working. Ever since that episode, he'd been doing much better, thankfully, so things have been going well. "Roger, say hi."

Roger turned to the camera, and smiled his usual brilliance. "Hi."

"This is your dad. Well, one of them. I'm the other one." I turned the camera to face me, smiling brightly into the lens. "We're your family."

I turned the camera back on Roger. I loved filming him. He was always so full of life, and even now, in the midst of his sickness, he was still smiling, still laughing. "Say something to your child, Roger."

He turned his attention to the camera once again. "What should I say?"

"Say anything."

"Okay, uh, hi. I'm your dad. It's probably a good thing your other dad is filming this, since I don't have much time left."

I lowered the camera, and stared at him sadly. "Roger, don't say that."

"Why not? He or she has to know sooner or later. I mean, what if I'm not even around long enough to see the baby born?" He didn't sound cynical, which I was grateful for, but he still asked, and no matter how much the truth hurts, I wished he hadn't.

"Well, because… because you will be around for the baby."

"Mark, you know as well as I do that's wishful thinking. The truth of the matter is, I'm dying, and I can't stop it."

I felt the tears pushing their way through my eyelids. I blinked them away. _Now is not the time. _"Just stop it! Stop saying that." I screamed, surprising even myself.

"Whoa, down boy. You don't have to bite my head off." He laid his guitar down, and just stared at me.

I shrunk under his gaze, feeling like a complete jerk. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I just wish you'd stop saying that. It scares me. I know you're dying, and the more you talk about it, the more I think about it, the more real it becomes, and I'm just not ready to lose you."

He slid off the table, walked over to me, and wrapped his still somewhat strong arms around my smaller body. He held me tightly, and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt the tears again, but I held them back.

"Get a room."

I pulled away from the love of life, and glared at Maureen. Roger on the other hand, just grinned cheekily. "Or you could just go home."

"Marky, are you going to let him talk to me like that?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. I _was_ going to let him talk to her like that. Roger laughed with me. Maureen crossed her arms over her chest, and pouted, then she started crying. "I hate you guys. I'm going home."

"Maureen, don't go. We're sorry."

"Pfft, speak for yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, _I'm_ sorry." I gave Roger a little shove, and he just grinned. "You don't have to go Maureen. You can stay if you want. Roger's just being an asshole again."

"You mean, as usual." Maureen added sourly.

Roger seized the camera out of my hand with intent to film Maureen's latest hormonal eruption, when he noticed it had still been filming. "Hey, did you know this thing's still on?"

"Shit, I thought I turned it off."

Roger held the camera at Maureen, who only glared at him through the lens. "Oh, come on Maureen, smile. You don't want the kid thinking you're a bitch, do you?"

"Roger, don't say that. Now I'm gonna have to edit that out of the film." I snatched the camera from him, but not after having to jump up for it. He held it above his head, laughing. He can be such a asshole.

"Mark, don't edit any of that out. The kid should have the chance to see what his or her parents are really like. Why sugar-coat it?"

"'Cause we don't want it learning bad things at a young age."

He snorted. "That sounds like something you're mom would say."

Maureen laughed hysterically. "He's right Mark. That _is_ something your mom would say."

_Oh shit, I am starting to sound like my mom. That's the last thing I ever wanted to do._ "Did you guys just agree on something?" I figured if I change the subject, they won't mention me sounding like my mom.

What happened next was hilarious, and I got it all on film. Roger and Maureen turned to each other, and for a good few minutes there was nothing but silence, but the looks on their faces were priceless. Roger, in almost slow motion, cringed like he just saw the most disgusting sight ever, and Maureen, well she looked horrified. As if she saw a ghost, or her own death even. I wanted to laugh, but I knew if I did, it would kill the moment, and this moment was worth filming.

Unfortunately, they both ganged up on me instead, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor, Roger sitting atop me, pinning my hands behind my head with one hand, and Maureen had the camera pointed at me.

"Hey, get off of me. Maureen, put my camera down." I struggled beneath him, but he was still stronger than me, and I was trapped.

"Eleven thirteen am, Mark… er your dad is underneath your other dad. This is what they do when no one else is around.."

"Roger, please get off of me." I continued to tussle beneath him, but he wouldn't let up. In fact, he set more of his weight against my little body. "Roger… I can't… breathe."

He kissed my lips at that moment, more than likely to shut me up, and as usual, I gave into him.

"Awww! How cute."

I had completely forgotten Maureen was filming us, or even still there until she said something. I pulled my lips away from Roger, and looked up at Maureen. "Why are you still filming us?"

"Because you two are just adorable." I could hear the cynicism in her voice. I rolled my eyes, and with all my strength, managed to push Roger off of me. Although, I think Roger let me win. I got off the floor, and snatched the camera back from Maureen, actually turning it off this time.

* * *

Joanne showed up a little later, pretty pissed off. Apparently, Joanne had won the big case she'd been working on, and wanted to celebrate, but Maureen had been avoiding her. Well, not so much avoiding her, as trying to get her back for 'ignoring' her. Roger and I sat on the table just watching them practically duke it out.

"Damnit Maureen, why do you always have to do this?" Joanne started.

"Me? What about you, miss 'never has any time for me 'cause she's to fucking busy with work, or something else more important?'"

"If I didn't work, we'd be living in a hell hole like this one." She looked over at me at that moment. "No offense, Mark."

"Uh, none taken…"

Joanne continued with her attention back at Maureen. "Not to mention, you wouldn't have all the luxuries you so love without me working."

"Oh, I see how it is. Well then fine, stop working. I don't need you to work. I can support myself."

Joanne scoffed. "Let me guess, you'll spend all of your time here, expecting Mark to take care of you, right?"

Roger jumped off the table at that moment. "Hold on a minute. I don't think so. Now, you," He pointed at Maureen. "can come over anytime you need to, but there is _no_ _way in hell _you're staying here with us…"

"Hey, calm down you guys."

"Well, she obviously doesn't want to come home with me." Joanne stood there with her arms across her chest, tapping a foot to the floor, her nostrils flaring as she breathed intensely, expecting Maureen to give in. Of course she didn't.

"No, I don't want to go home… with _you_." Maureen spit out the last word venomously.

"Come on you guys, don't fight."

"Oh that's it. If you are going to act like a child, then you can just stay here." Joanne headed for the door.

Roger quickly bolted for the door, blocking Joanne's only exit. "I don't think so."

This fight was reminding me of the fight we had all had after Angel died. The only difference was Roger wasn't fighting with Mimi, and Collins wasn't getting upset at us for ruining Angel's memorial service. "Guy, please stop this. Can't you guys just sit down, and talk this out calmly?"

"Mark, stay out of this." Maureen snapped.

"Don't yell at him. He's not the one being a bitch, you are."

"Excuse me?" Maureen stepped up to Joanne, getting right in her face. "Well, miss 'all that', I hadn't realized I was being such a bitch. After all, _I _wasn't the one ignoring you while working. _I _wasn't the one…"

"I wasn't ignoring you, Maureen. I told you I was working on a very important case, and you said you'd give me the space I needed to get it done, but instead, you whined, bitched, anything you could think of to bother me. I'm surprised I won this damn case with you always on mine about not spending any time with you."

"Stop it, you guys. Maureen, you need to calm down, or you'll stress out, and something could happen to the baby." I had to interfere, otherwise this would go on all night.

Roger opened the door to the loft, waving his hand as if to usher them out. "Take it home, ladies."

Maureen stiffened, marching out the door. Joanne followed closely behind her. Roger slammed the door shut. "Fuck, I thought they'd never leave."

"Roger, I'm worried about Maureen. If she keeps stressing, something could happen to the baby, and you know how Maureen can get."

"Well, Joanne's the level-headed one. I'm sure she'll do what she has to, to keep Mo calm."

"I don't know. They were both pretty pissed off, and if they keep fighting, you know Maureen's gonna end up here."

"Fuck!" He threw the door open, and preceded to chase them down. I followed after him.

"Maureen, Joanne, wait."

Joanne was the first one to turn around. "What is it, Roger?" She was still fuming, and had a stiff, exasperated look on her face.

"Look, you need to make up with Maureen. You know, uh, for the baby's sake. Think about the baby."

_Yeah, that's it Roger, for the baby._ I felt my eyes roll, and tried not to snort. I continued on and caught up to Maureen, and grasped her shoulder. "Maureen, wait."

She turned around, nearly smacking me in the process. "What do you want, Mark?" There were tears in her eyes. I couldn't tell if they were hormone-related, or from the fight.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you?" I asked meekly.

"No! Of course I'm not okay. I've been faithful this whole time, not going out with other people, being good, taking care of myself, and this baby. All I wanted was some alone time with her, and she was just too damn busy for me." She broke down right there, pulling me into a hug, crying on my shoulder. I gingerly rubbed her back, afraid to get to close, mainly for fear of Joanne coming after me, given that I'm long since over Maureen.

"Oh Marky, why did I let you talk me into doing this?" She pulled away from me, and pointed to her stomach.

"Maureen, do we have to go over this again? We gave you the choice whether to do it or not, and you chose to do it. You didn't have to if you didn't want to."

"I only did this, because I knew it would make you happy."

"No you didn't, Maureen. You never do anything to make someone else happy. You do things for you." _Did I actually just say that to her?_

I shouldn't have said that to her. It only caused her to ball even more, and made me feel bad. "I didn't mean it like that Maureen, I just…"

"No, you're right Marky." At that moment, instead of more tears, which I was expecting, she wiped them away, stood tall and smiled. _God, I hate these fucking mood swings of hers._

She held her head high, and made her way to Joanne. Roger, after talking it out with Joanne, walked over to me. "Remind me again why we asked Maureen to be the mother of our child?"

"'Cause she was the only one we knew who would actually do it."

"Oh, right."

"So what did you and Joanne talk about?"

"Uh, well, I managed to talk her into giving Maureen another chance, although if I were her, I wouldn't."

"Roger, do you want Maureen to live with us? 'Cause you know, if her and Joanne break up, that's where she's gonna end up. Do you remember what it was like living with her before?"

"Oh god, don't remind me. What's worse is that you were dating her then, too. Which I still find to be hilarious, since you were never straight to begin with." He chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I had to try it out. See if I actually liked girls."

"Don't lie Mark. You know, you never liked girls. She just had you whipped. You always were a sucker when it came to Maureen, and even now, you still go to her when she needs you."

"But it's different now. She's having our baby, and I wanna make sure the baby's gonna be okay."

"Okay Mark, if you say so." A grin grew on his face, and I knew he was being sarcastic.

"You're such an asshole, Rog."

"I know, but you still…" He started coughing violently suddenly, falling to his knees first, then completely to the floor.

I was right there beside him, taking him in my arms. "Roger… oh god."

He continued to cough, gasping for a breath. "Maureen, Joanne, help me."

They were so wrapped up in their own affairs that they didn't even hear me. "HELP ME!"

Finally they turned to me, noticing the situation, and rushed over to us. "What happened?" Joanne asked.

"I don't know. He was fine, then he just started coughing… calm down baby, take a deep breath. You can do it."

Roger was having a difficult time trying to catch even a single breath. I started to panic, so afraid this was it. He started coughing up blood, which frightened me even more. "Someone please call an ambulance." I cried.

Joanne pulled out her cell phone and dialed. Maureen, in a surprising instant, knelt beside me, attempting to keep me calm.

"Come on baby, don't die on me now."

* * *

Stay tuned kiddies. Don't you just love cliffhangers? They keep you at the edge of your seat. Will I kill off Roger now, or wait till later? For those who already know, shhh! 


	7. Happiness Restored

Disclaimer: Oh I wish... this was mine... but it's not... so I will die... or not!

Notes: Here it is, my lovlies. The long awaited chapter 7. hehe. Um, I know some of you have been um, asking me not to kill off Roger. Well, um... -looks down, shuffles feet- it's kinda of inevitable. I kinda have to... BUT WAIT! He won't die right away, I promise. He'll live a bit longer. He's too damn stubborn anyway to die anytime soon, and Mark won't let him either, so no worries yet. This is a somewhat filler chap, mainly cuz it's the chap before...

Nope, I won't tell. You'll just have to wait for chap 8 which should hopefully be posted in the next few days or so. I appreciate ALL your reviews, and it makes me soo happy to see new reviewers. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! So, on to the story. Enjoy!

Dedicated to: Don't Believe A Word! Happy birthday, sweetie. And to my girl for her love and inspiration.

* * *

Chapter 7 - Happiness Restored

I'd been editing all the film I've shot over the last several months… all the ones of Maureen mostly. She asked me not to show how fat she was getting, though I had to sneak in a few shots of her stomach, which was now sticking out pretty far. I also didn't take out the part of the film where you can hear Roger mentioning him dying. I couldn't. I knew he wanted that in there, so for him, I kept it in.

Three months have passed since we took Roger to the hospital. Roger had been staying in bed the whole time. He didn't go anywhere, or do much of anything. He hardly spoke either. As if he was afraid that moving or speaking would only make things worse. I had been trying desperately to just get him to say even a few words to me, but the most I got was something along the lines of, 'Hey,' then a mumble, or 'no,' and some other unintelligible words.

Getting him to eat anything had become increasingly difficult too. I would make him soup, but he'd just stare at it then turn over. He even stopped going to work, because he didn't want to leave the loft. I had to call in for him and tell them he was really sick, and they finally called after a couple weeks of that, and told him not to come in at all. He lost the medical insurance he had with the company that was paying for his hospital bills, so any more trips to the hospital we'd have to pay for ourselves.

"Please, Roger?" I walked into the room, setting down a tray holding a bowl of ramen on the makeshift nightstand, and sat down beside him. "You need to eat. You haven't eaten anything in three days. Please? Just eat half of it, and I won't ask you to eat anything else until tomorrow."

He opened his eyes, and met mine briefly, and they pleaded with him. "I'm not hungry." I heard through the mumble.

"Roger, you _have_ to eat."

"Why?" He said so softly, it was nearly inaudible.

That actually pissed me off, and I very rarely show my anger. I grabbed his shoulder, pulling him to face me, and leaned right into his face. "Because you could die, and god-damnit Roger, I'm not going to let you."

"Fine," he whispered. "I'll eat." He sat up, and I got up, and laid the tray on his lap, handing him the spoon.

"Thank you." I said, as I sat back down beside him, carefully, so the tray wouldn't fall.

I watched him eat slowly. I could tell he was hungry, because before I knew it, he had finished the entire bowl. I couldn't help, but smile at that. I was hoping this meant he was starting to feel better, or if maybe me getting angry got him thinking.

"Maureen's as big as a house now." I started gingerly. "She looks like she's about ready to burst."

"How much longer does she have?" He said quietly. I was surprised I got that much of a reaction from of him.

"Oh, um, about two months, give or take. I've been filming her on an almost daily basis, and she hates it. Okay, not entirely, but a good portion of the time. It hasn't been the same without you there, though."

There was a long moment of silence, and I thought maybe he had gone back to not speaking, and I got up, grabbed the tray, and headed for the door. "I'm sorry." _Did he just apologize to me? _

I turned to face him, arching an eyebrow. "What did you just say?"

"Don't look so surprised, Mark. I said, I'm sorry." Of course I looked surprised, he just apologized, and Roger doesn't apologize.

"F-for what?" I set the tray down on the floor, and made my way over to him, sitting beside him on the bed.

"For putting you through this. For making you have to take care of me again." He reached for my hand, taking it into his, gently rubbing his thumb over it.

"Roger, you don't have to apologize. It's… it's understandable." Our eyes met, and after three long months, I finally got to see his smile again. Instead of blushing, I just smiled back, grateful for moments like these. "You think you- I mean, do you want to, you know, maybe come out to the living room?"

Roger released my hand so he could support himself, lifting himself off the bed, but his legs gave from lack of use, and he fell to the floor. I caught him, but wasn't exactly strong enough to support his weight, and we both fell to the floor. Concerned, I jumped to my feet, and tried to help him up, but he wouldn't let me. What he did though was surprising. He didn't let me help him up, instead he just laughed, and quite heartily.

"Why are you laughing, Rog?" I thought for a moment that maybe he just lost it, and now I would have to deal with not only a sick Roger, but an insane one too.

"I haven't laughed like that in a long time, and it felt good." Roger looked up at me, a smile still pasted across his face.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Come here." He reached up for my hand, and pulled me down on top him, kissing me as if he had never in his life kissed me before. I was shocked at first, but gave into him, as I always do, and kissed him back; trying to match the passion I could feel radiating from his lips.

I wanted to pull away, to ask him to make love to me, but I didn't have to. He knew what I was thinking, because he was thinking it too. I got up briefly to grab a condom from the dresser, and helped him with it. I missed this.

* * *

The old Roger came back, and I was so happy about that. We had spent that entire evening in our room, just snuggling, after I helped him off the floor and back into bed. A week had gone by, and Roger was back on his feet, back out in the living room, and back out in the world. Well, he didn't get another job, but he had been out of the loft, which was all I wanted him to do.

"Hungry?" I asked him, while he sat on one of the beanbag chairs Collins brought over for us. 'A gift', he said and dropped them off, and took off. _I wonder where he's been hanging out lately… or with whom._

"Sure am. Hey, can we go to the Life today? I wanna get a big basket of fries. I haven't had that in a while. Do we have enough money to do that?" His eyes filled with a sense of joy, like a child in a candy store. How could I say no to that?

"Sure," I started, pulling out the money from my pants pocket, and counting it. "We have about thirty dollars, so yeah, let's go."

"And can I get a beer while we're there? I haven't had one of those in a while either."

"Well, I don't know…"

Roger's lips turned down, giving me this pouty face. "Pleeeeeeease?"

I sighed then chuckled. "Oh, alright."

We got to the Life, and of all people we didn't care to see, Benny was there with his wife, Alison. "Well, it's been an awfully long time since I've seen the two of you. How've you been?" Benny began, though we tried our best to avert him.

"We've been," A whole slew of possible answers raced through my mind: shitty, going through hell, having problems… you're an asshole, though that was just for the sheer hell of it. "Good. And you?"

"We've been wonderful." Benny said, a rather large grin on his face. _Pompous asshole. What happened to Benny, what happened to his heart…_

"That's good to hear." I just smiled and nodded, hoping that he'd just walk away without bothering us about money, or something else.

"So, how's Maureen? Did she have the baby yet?" He turned his head to look over at Alison, as if to say something to her, but at this point she had walked away with Roger.

I turned to look as they both began to laugh about something amusing, and Benny didn't like that too much. He interrupted their conversation by literally stepping in between them, and taking Alison in his arms. "What's so funny?"

"Muffy and I…"

"Her name is Alison." Benny hissed, glaring at Roger.

"Riiight," Roger grinned. "Alison," he continued, emphasizing her name. "And I were just talking about how cool you used to be." Alison snickered.

Benny just ignored it, and took Alison's arm. "Come on, honey, we have to go. Your mother is waiting for us." Benny practically dragged Alison out of the café, but before they left, she turned around and winked at Roger, who was still grinning like the Cheshire cat after leading Alice down yet another wrong path.

"You are such an asshole," I blurted once they left.

He grinned cheekily. "Yes I am."

* * *

We went over to Maureen and Joanne's after we ate, to see how Maureen was doing, and her and Joanne were in the middle of yet another quarrel. _Do they **ever** stop fighting?_

"Marky, she's bitching at me for not getting enough rest, and I keep telling her I've been sleeping too much."

"No you haven't. You stay up late every night coming up with another one of your stupid performances." Joanne snapped.

"Stupid? My performances are not stupid. They're brilliant, colorful, entertaining-"

"And stupid."

"Guys, could you please calm down, for the baby's sake. You do know they can hear everything you're saying, right? Especially at this stage." I butted in.

"Mark's been reading a lot of books lately." Roger entered unexpectedly into the conversation. Both women turned their sudden attention to Roger.

"Oh my god, when did you get out of bed?" Maureen asked in a surprised tone.

"What she means is, how have you been, Roger? You feeling better?" Joanne corrected Maureen.

"I've been better, but yes, I'm feeling better. I got up earlier, and Mark and I went to the Life."

Maureen gave me a once over then sneered. "I bet that wasn't the only thing that got up. Marky's glowing." My mouth gaped open.

"Well, that too." Roger just smirked.

"Roger!" I cried. "They don't need to know about-"

"They already do, so why does it matter."

"We may know, but we don't want to hear about it." Joanne stated.

"Could we not talk about our sex life, please? I'd like to keep some aspect of our life private." I bellowed. They all turned to me and stared. I shrunk under their gazes, but held my ground on the issue. "I mean it's nobody's business."

"Pookie," Maureen broke the silence after a few moments. "I'm sorry. You're right, I do need more rest." She ran into Joanne's arms and kissed her squarely on the mouth. I wondered if these were the hormones, or if maybe Maureen was actually giving in.

"No honey bear, I'm sorry. You're performances aren't stupid. They're beautiful, like you."

Maureen took Joanne by the hand and led her to their bedroom, which meant she only gave in for her needs, and that was our cue to leave. Those two were one of the strangest couples I've ever known. Either they were _always_ fighting, or they were making out wherever they went.

"I guess Mo's fine." I said as we exited their home.

"I guess so."


	8. As We Celebrate The Birth

Disclaimer: I'm broke. Jonathan was gracious enough to create these characters so people like me could love them. Not mine, and never will be. -sadness-

Notes: It has finally 'arrived.' The long await moment of the story. Woo w00t! Thank you to my wonderful reviewers for all your support, and kind words. Reading your reviews truly makes my life complete. As promised, chapter 8. Thanks to Fruit Box for the beta. Much love to you, babe. Enjoy!

Dedicated to: All my wonderful readers. You guys all rock my socks!

* * *

Chapter 8 - As We Celebrate The Birth 

"Roger, wake up," I said, barely awake myself, after receiving the phone call from Joanne. "Roger, get up, it's time."

Roger rolled over in bed, either not hearing me, or just too damn tired to move, which is understandable since we've been getting the loft, and the room Roger once occupied ready for our little arrival all day yesterday. Roger and I agreed we didn't want to know the sex of the baby until the baby was born so we could be surprised, however, it became harder to buy baby clothes and other things for the infant's room.

"Roger, get up!" I exclaimed, nearly shoving him off the bed.

He caught himself then punched me in the arm. "I'm up, you fucker. Don't push me."

"Ow, that hurt. You didn't have to hit me." I rubbed my arm carefully.

"You didn't have to push me. I almost fell off the bed." He sat up in bed, acting as if it were another normal day.

I jumped out of the bed, dressing quickly. "Come on, Roger. Didn't you hear me? It's time. As in Maureen's about to have the baby as we speak."

His eyes widened. "Oh, shit. Really?" He scrambled out of bed, actually falling, and I snickered. _Serves him right._

"Get dressed so we can go." Laughter plagued my voice as I spoke, and I knew he heard it.

"Not funny, Mark." Roger glared at me while putting his pants on.

"Sorry, Rog." I glanced at the clock: four-thirty three am. It's way too early to be awake for any reason. "Why couldn't she wait to have the baby till after daylight, at least?"

"You're starting to sound like me. Marky can be taught." He chuckled.

"Very funny, Rog. Come on, we've gotta go. Joanne said to meet her at the maternity ward in twenty minutes, and it's going to take that long to get there, so come on." I yanked him by the arm as he was trying to get his shirt over his head. I grabbed my camera on the way out so I could get this all on film, even if Maureen protested.

Out the door in less than five minutes, and at the hospital in fourteen since Roger drove, gave us a minute to spare. We rushed into the hospital where Joanne was waiting.

"We didn't miss anything, did we? Where is she? Can we see her?" I was frantic. I tried to get my camera ready in the car, but it was hard since the car was swerving an awful lot due to the way Roger drives.

"They're prepping her now. We can go in there momentarily. Okay, you've got your stories straight, right? I'm her coach, you're the father, obviously, and he's…" She stared at me blankly, seeming to have forgotten Roger's 'purpose.'

"I'm just there to annoy the hell out of her." He snickered.

I swung around and smacked him in the arm. "No! You're there to hold the camera."

"Then what are you going to do?" Joanne asked.

"I'm… shit, uh, okay, I'll hold the camera, and…"

"I'll just go in there, and if they ask, I'll tell them I'm you're lover, and-"

"You can't do that. They might not let you in at all." I was starting to panic at this point.

"It doesn't matter. We have to wash up so they'll let us in at all. Just don't say anything, and we should be fine. Come on." Joanne took me by the hand, and dragged me along as Roger followed closely behind.

We got there after preparing, and Maureen hadn't gone into labor yet. I immediately turned on my camera and pointed it towards her. "September 16th, five forty-four am; Maureen could give birth to our baby any moment." I looked over the camera at Maureen. "Smile."

"Get that fucking camera out of my face before I break it." She said rather calmly clenching her teeth. I backed away from her so I, and the camera were out of her reach.

"Calm down, honey bear. You knew Mark was going to film this." Joanne was holding her hand, standing beside her, at the ready to help her with her breathing when she had a contraction.

"Mark films everything, or have you already forgotten that?" Roger 'kindly' inputted.

I pointed the camera at him, glaring at him through the camera, which he figured I would do, and gave me the finger along with his tongue. "Oh yeah, real mature, Rog."

"Hey, no fighting, boys. Not here. You don't want to get kicked out of the room, do you?" Joanne stated.

"Sorry," I said then pointed the camera back at Maureen, who at that point had a contraction. She screamed so loud, I cringed just thinking about the pain she was going through. I zoomed in on her squeezing Joanne's hand so tightly it actually looked like it was turning blue.

I zoomed out, and pointed the camera at Joanne, who was biting her lip to prevent herself from screaming too. She looked over at me, and mouthed 'Oooooow.' I felt bad, but she was stronger than me, and I knew she could handle that better than I could.

"Marky, this is all your fault. Why did I…" Maureen screamed again, loudly. "Let you talk me into this?"

The doctor came in at that moment, saving me from having to explain yet again to Maureen that she had agreed to do this. "How are you doing, Ms. Johnson?" Dr. Caruthers asked.

Maureen's contraction stopped, and she released Joanne's hand momentarily, giving her attention to the doctor. "I want this thing out of me, NOW! Get it out of me!"

Roger snickered, and I shot him a 'not now' look, shaking my head, and nodding toward the doctor. Roger quieted, and I went back to filming their conversation.

"Soon, Ms. Johnson." Dr. Caruthers turned her attention to Joanne. "How far apart are her contractions?"

"I'd say about ten minutes."

The doctor checked her out, and I kept the camera on Maureen's face, not wanting to watch what she was doing. "It shouldn't be too much longer, Ms. Johnson."

"Good. I just want this thing out of me."

"That's not what you used to say." Roger said loud enough for the room to hear, though I don't think he intended for that to happen. My mouth gaped open, and everyone stared at him.

"Roger!" I exclaimed.

"Oh shit, did everyone hear that?" I could tell he was trying to hold back a chuckle. The doctor just shook her head, dismissing it, thankfully. If looks could kill, Roger would've been dead by now with the looks both Maureen and Joanne were throwing his way.

I turned off the camera briefly, and walked over to Roger, whispering. "You can't make comments like that, they might kick you out of the room."

"It just slipped out. I seriously am trying to behave, but Mo makes it too easy for me. She leaves herself-" He snickered. "Wide open." His snicker turned into a hysterical fit. The doctor shot him a disapproving look, but he missed it.

I smacked him in the arm, shushed him, and continued gutturally. "Don't you wanna be in here when our baby is born?"

He stopped laughing, and shut right up, which surprised me… somewhat. "Thank you," I said crossly.

I turned the camera back on, and pointed it back at Maureen just as another contraction struck. Her screams seemed to have gotten louder since the last one, and I winced. _I'm so glad it's her, and not me going through this. I couldn't handle it. _

"Her contractions are closer now. Now, Ms. Johnson, you have a choice: Would you like the drugs, or not? I must warn you though, you must choose now, because once you become dilated, it'll be too late-"

Even before the doctor could finish, Maureen shouted. "GIVE ME THE FUCKING DRUGS!"

The doctor injected a clear liquid into her IV, which seemed to calm Maureen down just a bit. I was really feeling sorry for Joanne though, even if it was Maureen going through the actual birth, because Joanne was the one enduring the pain I would've gone through if I were her lover, or even her husband. I shuddered at the thought.

Maureen's contractions started to come more rapidly, and the doctor announced that it was time. My heart started racing at that moment, realizing that my baby was about to be born. _Holy shit._

"Okay Ms. Johnson, push." Dr. Caruthers commanded. Maureen pushed with all her might, squeezing Joanne's hand to near death. Roger watched in awe, though he just couldn't seem to help himself, and started laughing at the faces Maureen was making. The doctor turned to him, and without a word, pointed at the door telling Roger to leave.

Obediently, Roger left without arguing, and the doctor continued. I glanced over at Roger as he walked out, who had his head down, and I knew he felt like an ass. I wanted to tell him 'I told you,' but first off that'd be mean, and second, it wasn't fair he couldn't be in the room when his child was born. _I warned you, Roger._

Maureen screamed bloody murder… "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, MARK! I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Literally. She continued to push, while I tried to ignore her threats.

_She's only saying that because she's in a lot of pain._ So I kept telling myself. I sustained filming as the baby's head started to crown. My excitement grew, but at the same time I felt bad for Roger, wishing he could be in here to share this moment.

"You're doing great, Ms. Johnson. Give me another good push. I can see the head."

Harder, and harder Maureen seemed to push, as the sweat poured down her face, gripping Joanne's hand even tighter than before.

The baby's shoulders expelled from within Maureen. "One more really good push, Ms. Johnson." Dr. Caruthers said.

One more good push is what Maureen gave her, and the baby was out. The doctor cut the umbilical cord, quickly cleaned the baby up, wiping the blood off of it, and cleaning out it's mouth and nose, making sure it could breathe. The baby let out a loud cry letting us know it was fine.

"Congratulations, it's a girl." Dr. Caruthers announced with a smile then wrapping her up in a blanket.

Maureen was exhausted both physically, and emotionally, and looked like she was about to pass out. Joanne brushed the hair out of her eyes, kissing her hand, and softly telling her what a great job she did. The doctor handed Maureen the baby, and I moved in closer, getting a close-up of both mother and daughter. The baby was still crying.

"She's beautiful," I said, as the waterworks began. Roger, at that instant, entered the room once again, and just grabbed the baby from Maureen's arms, holding her delicately. Maureen didn't seem to mind, which didn't really surprise me since the baby is supposed to be Roger's and mine.

"Hi, baby girl. I'm your daddy." He had the brightest smile I had ever seen on his lips, and I couldn't help but cry just a little harder. I turned my focus to them, and watched how the baby suddenly seemed to quiet down. I knew at that moment she was Roger's little girl. He looked up at me with a questioning look on his face. "What are we gonna call her?"

I realized we never had the chance to pick out girl's names, so I thought intensely about it. "I don't know. Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, one, but I don't know..."

"What is it?" I was curious now.

"Well, you know how we talked about calling the baby Angel if it was a boy? How about we call her Angelina?" His face just lit up gazing down at her while his big, strong hand gently held her small, frail ones. He was meant to be a father.

"I love it. It's perfect. And I know Collins would love it too. He still misses Angel." My tears were only getting worse as I saw such a beautiful sight.

"So do I…" He trailed off, too lost in our daughter's eyes, which were partially open.

I took this opportunity to go to Maureen's side. "Thank you." I said simply. My smile, and tears said the rest. She just nodded her head as she drifted off to sleep. I smiled at Joanne, who was just smiling back. No more words were necessary at that moment. We all knew what this day meant… what this moment meant.

Roger, however, broke the silence with another question. "What about a middle name?"

The perfect middle name hit me like a ton of bricks, and I smiled at him. "Angelina Glory." The smile on his face grew much bigger, though it didn't seem like it was possible. "She's your true glory, Rog. The one true song you've been searching for."

That was when he started to cry, but his smile remained permanently attached to his face. "Angelina Glory Cohen-Davis. It's perfect."


	9. Truths Revealed

Disclaimer: Oh I wish... Nope, still not mine. Don't own, I rent.

Notes: Thank you to all of you who havestuck with me. I don't have internet access all the time, nor have I really had a chance to write this being busy and all. But here it is: Chapter 9. Enjoy!

This one is to the Jess for all her help in beta-ing and stuff, and just totally helping me come up with more shit to write. You rock hardXcore girl. Love you! Also, to Corinna, for inspiring a brilliant M/R fight that should appear in one of the next two chaps. Probably the next one. I love you, baby!

* * *

Chapter 9 - Truths Revealed 

All the legalities were taken care of over the next several weeks. Maureen had signed over her rights as a parent to Roger, giving him legal custody of Angelina so he and I could raise her however we wanted to. She and Joanne went back to their everyday lives, though they did happen to come over almost everyday to see Angelina.

Our lives became so much more interesting after she was born. Feeding her, changing her, holding her, caring for her; A whole new life was in our hands, and we had to make sure she was safe and taken care of. Sleep had become a commodity we longed for since every night like clockwork Angelina would wake up wanting her bottle, or needing to be changed, or even having a nightmare. But I'd rock her back to sleep, and Roger would sing her a lullaby.

He rewrote the song he had written for Mimi; turning it into a sweet lullaby he'd sing to her every night. I don't think I've ever seen Roger so happy before. Even when he had to get up in the middle of the night to change her he'd moan about getting out of bed, but when I'd get up to see what was taking him so long, he'd be sleeping in the rocking chair Maureen and Joanne had gotten us as a gift, and Angelina curled up on his chest, his arm drape gently across her body to keep her from falling. I'd pick her up and put her back in the crib Roger's mom gave us, and then help Roger back to the bedroom.

Six months at that point, and we had managed to keep up the same routine. Collins came back about two months after Angelina's birth, and moved back in. His latest fling didn't work out too well so he left him. He had stopped dating drag queens and moved on to guys who looked more like Benny. It came as a big help to us when he moved back in since he was working again (the rewiring of the atm at the food emporium was found out), and he helped us buy groceries and baby supplies. My job was barely paying off Roger's hospital bills.

Speaking of Benny, he had come by the day we brought Angelina home, not realizing she now existed, and just waltzed right into the loft going off about how he let us live there for free for so long, and wanted the rent and back rent from the last several years. He threatened to call the cops again too. Roger had been with Angelina in her room the whole time, and when he heard Benny he came out of the room with her, angered.

"What the hell is your problem, Benny?" Roger yelled through a whisper. "There's a sleeping baby in here, and you come barging in here demanding money?"

I leapt from the couch where I had been sitting and reading, and stepped in between the two of them. Had Roger not been holding Angelina at the time, he probably would've hit Benny and, seeing as I'm not exactly strong enough to hold Roger back, there would've been a huge fight.

"Calm down, Roger." I half-whispered. "He didn't know."

"That's no excuse. He shouldn't just fucking barge in here expecting money from us."

Ignoring the obvious anger in Roger's voice and his stance, Benny walked over to him, eyeing only Angelina. "She's beautiful. She must be yours, Mark because I doubt she'd be this beautiful if she was Roger's."

That only pissed Roger off more, and he pulled the baby away from him, and went back into her room.

"Benny, why are you such an asshole?" I had to ask once we were alone again.

Instead of answering me, he lowered his head and made his way out of the loft, not asking another question about money, or anything else for that matter. I walked to the room where Roger and Angelina were, and Roger was just setting her down in her crib for her nap.

Quietly, I began. "I'm sorry about that, Rog. If I had known-"

"What the fuck is his problem?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. He wasn't always like that, you know. You didn't know him in college like I did. Back then he used to be really cool. Actually, it wasn't until he moved in here that things started up."

"Maybe it has something to do with Muffy." He found amusement in that and tittered.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Yeah, he really hates you for that."

"He's always hated me. Hell, even before that whole thing with Muffy."

"Alison. You'll never say her name right, will you?"

"Nope. I've always called her Muffy and I always will."

Having Collins around was interesting, because he wasn't used to being around small children, and having to conform to the new loft rules left a not-too-sweet taste in his mouth. He didn't like the idea of having to smoke on the fire escape, or waking up in the middle of the night to a baby's crying. I overheard a conversation between him and Roger about two weeks after he moved back in while Roger was changing Angelina.

"This is so unlike you, Roger. When the hell did you become domesticated? I think having a baby has softened you." Collins noted.

"Have you seen her though? She's beautiful; and you know me, I never turn down a beautiful girl."

"Which explains why you're with Mark. I mean, put a dress on him and a little bit of makeup, and hey, instant woman."

Roger laughed heartily. "Have you ever _seen_ Mark in a dress? Hot damn. Nothing like Angel of course, but still… he's pretty damn hot. It's even more fun taking it off of him though."

"Ha, ha. I bet it is. So tell me, how've _you_ been?" I knew from the tone of his voice he was asking about the sickness they shared.

"Actually, I've never felt better. Having Angelina around has been helpful, you know? Like I could take on the world."

"Have you been taking your AZT regularly?"

"Um… not really. I've been out for a while, but I didn't wanna tell Mark cuz you know how he worries." Angelina seemed to cry on cue. I heard him pick her up. "Hey, what's wrong, baby girl?"

"I think she knows something."

"Yeah, like she's trying to warn me that if Mark finds out I won't hear the end of it." His voice shook slightly, meaning he was bouncing her to calm her.

Collins chuckled. "No shit. So does he play mom? Or more, does he play _his mom_?"

"Ha! You're such a fucker, Tom Collins. No, he doesn't play _his mom_, thankfully, but he does play wife really well; always on my ass about something. I find myself spending most of my time in here with her. I play her my guitar, sing to her, you know, things like that."

"Does Mark know that's why you spend all your time in here?"

"It's not the only reason I spend all my time in here, but no, of course not. That'd probably make him cry. You know me, I'm not gonna tell him he's been too wife-y lately. I won't even tell him when he's being his usually worrywart self, which does bother me now and again. I don't wanna hurt his feelings."

I realized then I probably shouldn't have been listening in on their conversation, but for some reason I couldn't tear myself away. Sure I was crying somewhat, because it hurt to hear those things, but I continued to listen, wiping my tears away.

"You _have _softened, Roger Davis. What happened to the rock star I knew back in the day?"

"He grew up, started a family. Holy shit, when did all that happen? I _never_ thought I'd be in this position. EVER!" Roger burst into a vigorous laugh. "Oh fuck, I grew up. Did you ever think you'd see this day? I thought I'd be dead before this day ever came, but here it is, and here I am."

"Strange. Roger Davis, former pretty boy front man has exchanged his guitar for a diaper bag." They both laughed robustly.

"Hey, I still play the guitar. Just for a slightly smaller audience."

"Yeah, an audience of one."

"But she'll never complain, or will she tell me it's off-key, or the same damn song all the time."

"Still playing Musetta's Waltz, are we?"

"I've yet to perfect it, thank you very much. Asshole." There was more laughter between the two of them.

"Besides the obvious, how are things with you and Mark, anyway?" Collins asked after a few minutes of laughter.

"Well, aside the nagging, and constant worry, things are good. I couldn't be happier. Did you ever think I'd be here? I think Angel knew before any of us did, but he… she would never tell me anything specific. I wonder what she's thinking right now, seeing us where we are."

"Probably too busy smiling, and giggling. That, or her and Mimi have found a way to wreak havoc like they used to."

"Yeah…" Roger's voice seemed to drop. Probably thinking about Mimi. "They used to tear up the town." I swear I could almost hear Roger's thoughts. _When she wasn't with Benny._

"Oh yeah."

The room became silent after that, both thinking of lost loves and times long gone. I decided to make my entrance at that point.

"Hey, how's Angelina?" I started with, my voice somewhat shaky. _What a great opener. Maybe if he doesn't see the tear stains on your face, he won't ask…_

"Hey, when did you get home?" Apparently he didn't notice, or was too busy with Angelina. He had been rocking her the whole time while talking to Collins, and she was fast asleep on his shoulder.

"Just a few minutes ago. How long has she been asleep?" I quieted my voice so as not to wake the baby.

Roger continued in his regular voice. "Not too long. She just kinda fell asleep on my shoulder." He set her down in her crib and turned down the lights, pointing out the door for us to leave the room.

Once we got into the living room, it was very much like the old days when we'd just hang out with Collins while he told us stories about his high school and college days, and of course some of the things he and Angel used to do, or his latest stories of his most recent flings. Roger and I snuggled up on one of the beanbag chairs, and listened and laughed. A part of me wanted to say something about overhearing them earlier, but I couldn't. I was afraid Roger would get pissed. I did tell Collins later, and he brought over some AZT for Roger, but didn't tell him I knew. 'Just helping out a friend.'


	10. Thank Heaven For Little Girls

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, though it'd be amazing if I did. XD

**Notes:** I know, I know I am a bad writer. I should've had this out like MONTHS ago if not longer, but when writer's block has the better of you, and you just can't get anything to come out of either boys' mouth, you kinda get stuck. It took me forever to get Mark to help me finish this. XDD Anyway, I hope y'all like it. This WAS gonna be the second to the last chap, BUT it wouldn't have worked so ONE more after this and then the final chap. I promise it'll be out sooner than this one so you guys can all finally see how it ends, and I'll have FINALLY finished a chapter fic. -claps fast- YAY me! XD

Reviews are VERY much welcome. PLEASE? I'll love you all forever! Not that I don't already, but you get the point. XD Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 10 - Thank Heaven For Little Girls**

It had been three months into her first year when my mom called asking me to bring the baby over so she could meet her. My mom hadn't even made an effort prior to that moment to see, or even hear about Angelina, but out of the blue, she called me, telling me to bring her over. I picked up the phone.

"Hi, mom."

"Honey, I want to meet my granddaughter. She's my flesh and blood too, and I have every right to see her. Bring her here so your father and I can meet the newest addition to the Cohen family. She _is_ a Cohen, right? You _did_ give her your name, didn't you?"

"Mom, I-" Just like before, and always, my mom made it difficult for me, or anyone to get a word in edgewise. I was always amazed at how she and my sister communicated. They talked over each other, and I swore they never heard either of what the other was saying, but…

"Marky, are you listening to me?"

Her words broke my concentration. "What did you say?" Thankfully I hadn't been paying attention to her, because she was going off on a tangent about something. "Uh, yes mom, I'm listening to you. You want me to bring Angelina over there. You do know-" I had to say this before she could say anything else. "Roger will be coming too." And before she had the chance to protest, I continued. "He _is_ her father too. And he's as big a part of her life as am I, if not more."

Silence fell upon the phone for nearly an entire minute. The only sound coming from the phone was the sound of her breathing heavily. It was quite evident she didn't like the idea of Roger 'tagging' along.

"Well Mark…" She inhaled deeply. "If that's how it has to be…" Not another word was spoken then the clicking of the hook switch to the phone base was heard. She hung up on me. At least she didn't yell at me this time.

"Let me guess; she didn't like the idea of me coming too?" Roger asked bitterly.

"Well no, of course not, but she didn't make a big deal about it this time either. I think maybe she may actually be civil…"

Roger just gave me that look; 'What _are_ you smoking?' "You actually think your mom… your mother; the scary little Jewish woman with a temper worse than mine; The one woman who swore she'd have me killed for 'corrupting' her 'baby boy' is gonna be civil to me?"

"I never said it was going to be easy." I chuckled nervously. "Hey, maybe she's finally accepting us as a couple, and…" There was no point in finishing that sentence. No way had my mom accept Roger and me as anything but friends. Not even that… roommates. That was the only acknowledgement she'd give us as a 'couple'.

"Right, and I am the fucking pope." _Thank you, Sarcastoman. Fighting evil with sarcastic remarks, and bad jokes. _I could tell this was going to be a fun time.

I loaded up the one car we shared with Angelina's car seat, baby bag, a few toys, which turned out to be half her toy box, and whatever else I could stuff in there that would keep Angelina safe, clean, and happy.

The ride to my mother's house was rather… unpleasant. Not because Angelina cried the entire time. In fact, she slept for most of the ride. But Roger and I had a discussion about past relationships, first talking about Maureen and me then it went into being about him and April.

April and I never really got along while they were together. In fact, she down right hated me. Anytime the two of them were together they used to team up on me, finding some way to embarrass me. It was torture… literally!

I glanced over at Roger in the passenger side seat; his head was almost out the window. "Roger, what are you doing?"

Roger grabbed at his stomach, and bore a grimacing look. "I'm gonna puke."

"Ugh, Roger, that's gross. Are you-- What's the matter?" Concerned, I reached over and touched his arm. "Are you going to be okay?"

I saw Roger nod through peripheral vision. "Yeah. I just don't feel good. I think it's your driving. You suck as a driver."

"I'm a good driver, Rog. Maybe you're just car sick."

"I don't get car sick-" Roger groaned loudly. "I've never gotten car sick."

"Well, maybe this time you did-"

"I don't fucking get car sick," Roger snapped, turning his head back toward the window, staring out at the passing trees, and houses, and whatever scenery we passed on our way to Scarsdale.

I turned my eyes back to the road ahead of me, dropping the subject, while Roger sat not so silently in agony. After a few minutes or so, Roger took a deep breath, and turned to me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that." Roger laid his hand on my outer thigh, and flashed me a simple smile. I returned the gesture, but could feel a pang in my gut. I wasn't sure what it was, at least not at first, but I kept quiet, and continued to drive.

Twenty minutes had passed before either of us spoke again. Roger was still keeled over in agony from his bout of nausea, clutching his stomach, and doing Lamaze breathing. I snickered under my breath, imagining Roger pregnant.

"What's so funny?" Roger asked me. I guess he heard me. Oops.

"Oh… nothing." I turned toward the driver's side window and hid a grin.

"O…kay…" Roger continued his breathing in the same manner, and I nearly burst into hysterics.

"What the fuck is so funny?" Roger arched a brow curiously at me. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and blew up laughing.

"WHAT? What the HELL is so god damn funny?" Roger's face twisted a bit, and I immediately stopped laughing.

"Uh… nothing. Sorry." I cast my eyes to the road ahead of me, though I was still laughing on the inside.

Another fifteen minutes slipped by; we were almost there, and I decided to bring up a subject I thought I let die a long time ago, but for some reason it was irking me. That might have been why I was getting that pang in my stomach.

"Hey, Rog," I started swallowing the lump in my throat that seemed to have formed on it's own.

"Yeah…" He was slightly hunched over, breathing harder than before. I guess he really was feeling sick. I decided to pull over to give him a chance to let his stomach settle. "Why are we stopping?"

"Oh, so your stomach can settle." I paused a moment, watching him open the door, and take in the fresh air. It seemed to help almost immediately. "Feel any better?"

Roger nodded, sitting up, and taking in a deep breath, blowing out hard. "Yeah. Thanks for stopping." He closed the passenger door, but rolled his window down.

I, too, took in a deep breath, exhaling rather hard before continuing with what I wanted to say. "Rog… um… do you think about uh… April? You know, like, lately?"

An utter look of surprised plagued his face, and again with the arched brow. "Uh… what do you mean?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. Forget it. It's- it's nothing." I lowered my eyes to… anything. Anything to avoid his stare, and I knew he was staring. "I just… um, you know, was wondering since it was, um, the um…" I had trouble getting the words out of my mouth. They felt like they were sticking to the roof of my mouth like caramel, but it didn't taste as sweet.

Roger look puzzled now. "I don't see what you're getting at." I almost laughed at him, just because he could be so dense sometimes.

I flash a half-smile at him, which doesn't last more than a few seconds, then lower my head, thinking of the right way to put my words. "Well um… it's the um… anniversary of her death and-"

Immediately Roger's face sunk. The vague expression he had on his face in wonder of what the hell I was talking about turned into a sneer. I stopped talking, just waiting for him to--do something. _Blow up, scream at me, hit me even. _After a few minutes he sighed.

"I forgot about that." His voice was reserved, quiet, and sad. I knew right then he was thinking of her, missing her, loving her silently as he stared out the windshield onto the outstretched highway in front of us. I never could compare to her.

I swallowed another lump that formed in my throat as I choked back tears. I asked him a question; one that _never_ should've come out. One I shouldn't have even been thinking about. "Why did you always love her more than me?"

For a moment, it was as if he hadn't heard me. He just kept his gaze out the window, seemingly content with his thoughts. It wasn't until after a few minutes he turned his head to me, cocking it to the side. "What the FUCK?" His words spit out like fire, and I involuntarily flinched. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Was he honestly so surprised I asked the question, or was he just pissed off?

"Nothing. Never mind. I- I- I- uh… I didn't… it's nothing." I suddenly saw my life flash before my eyes as I thought about Roger suddenly punching me in the face, or worse. I felt my heart jump into my throat. My palms were sweaty, and my gaze quickly turned to the sleeping baby girl in the backseat. Roger must've noticed, because his eyes shot back at her too, and his demeanor changed.

He let out two short, hard breaths then his eyes met mine before I could turn away. "Mark," his voice softer now, calmer. "I love you. Why would you ask me something like that?"

"Well, 'cause… I mean," _Hold it together, Mark. Just say what you want to say. _"Well, remember when we used to--" I shook my head. "Never mind. It's stupid."

"You wouldn't have brought it up if it was stupid. What is it? Just say it." Roger took my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "C'mon. Say what you wanna say."

I took a deep breath, exhaling rather slowly. "Okay. Well, remember when we used to be… more than friends? I mean, you know, before you ever started dating April."

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, um… remember when you first met April? You practically dumped me as soon as she agreed to go out with you." I tried to keep it together, not letting myself get upset.

"It wasn't like we were together, Mark. So why does it matter?" Roger snapped his seatbelt back on, and I started the car again.

I drove for a few minutes before continuing. "Well, because…" I wasn't really sure how to continue, and I could tell Roger really didn't want to discuss this. I thought about dropping it, but I really wanted to know. "It matters because-because… 'cause I was already in love with you, and I thought that we were gonna be more."

Roger furrowed his brow. "Mark… I told you back then that we weren't gonna be more than fuck buddies. That was the agreement."

"I know, but… I mean, the way things were going with us, I thought for sure we'd be more. I thought you were feeling the same way I was." My eyes started stinging, and I blink a few tears away, not letting myself break down.

"I thought you understood that we were just friends. Honestly, Mark. C'mon. You remember how I was back then. The only person who even knew what we were doing was Collins. I didn't want anybody else to know what we'd been doing. And you _know _I was with other girls too."

"Yeah I know, but…"

"But what, Mark?" The tone of his voice rose a bit. "There's no 'but.' Things were different with us then. End of story." He crossed his arms, and turned to face the passenger window.

I wasn't gonna push the issue any further than that, but something inside me was nagging at me, and I just had to know if he cared more about April than me. "No, it's not 'end of story', Rog." I surprised myself when I realized that even the volume of my voice went up. "You left me for her. I mean I know it wasn't going anywhere, but it was just us, and-and I was okay with that. But then she came along, and completely fucked up your life-"

"Why are you doing this?" I couldn't see, but by just the way he asked, I could tell he was choked up.

"'Cause I need to know. Why did you love her more than me?" My hands clenched tightly to the steering wheel, scared of the imminent answer.

"Mark," he started as I glanced over at him, watching him wipe at his eyes furiously, and sit up. "It's not that I loved her more than you… it's that I loved her differently. You know what I mean?"

"No, Rog, I don't. What _do _you mean?" I had a feeling of what he actually meant, but I wanted to hear it from him.

There was a moment of silence before he finally began. "What I mean is… things are different with us than they ever were with April."

"Why, 'cause she was a girl?"

"Mark, I don't know how you want me to answer that."

"Truthfully. Was it 'cause she was a girl? Please, Roger, I need to know."

Roger sighed hard. "Probably. I don't know. I love you, Mark. What more do you want?"

"Do you still love her?" I could tell that caught him by surprise. It surprised me too. Where was this coming from?

"No." A pause. "Yes." Another pause. "I don't know. I won't deny I still think about her. And yeah, I guess, in a way, I still love her. But, like I said, it's not the same. She was… wild, carefree, and just out there. You, you're… sweet, and wholesome, and… safe."

"I'm wholesome?" I've never heard that one before.

"Yeah. You know… you're a good boy. You don't do stupid shit like I do. You're smarter than that." Roger placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it, giving me a small smile.

I turned on to my parents' street, and decided we could finish this conversation another time. "You know… I'm not always a good boy." That got a little laugh out of Roger.

"Don't I know it…" His smile broadened.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Let me see my granddaughter," my mother squealed as we entered the house. "Oh, she's beautiful. She looks just like you, Marky." She gave me a hug, and a quick kiss, and immediately picked up Angelina. She seemed to ignore the fact that Roger was with me.

"Well, actually, she looks a lot more like Maureen…" I don't think she heard me. Or if she did, she chose not to acknowledge me.

"Hi, Mrs. Cohen." Roger said, politely.

My mom looked over at us, and grimaced. "Oh. Hello." Her attention went right back to Angelina.

My dad emerged from his den, and greeted me with what sounded like a hello. My mom yelled at him for not giving me a more proper greeting, and he gave me a half hug, not saying a word to or about Roger. That didn't surprise me one bit.

The entire time we were there both my parents paid more attention to Angelina than Roger and I--which I was very grateful for--but I'm their son, they could've been a bit more cordial about my, well, our presence.

Roger and I decided to cut the visit short, both feeling antsy, and wanting out of there. We tried to say our goodbyes, but my mom wouldn't hear of it, and insisted we stay for dinner. I was taken back by the fact she actually set Roger a place at the table.

"So, Mark… how's the career in film coming?" My dad had said 'career' mockingly.

"Not too bad. It's paying the bills." Which was a flat out lie. One, we didn't have much by way of 'bills', and two, I wasn't exactly making any money off of them.

"Dear, don't pester him. It's his choice remember? Even though we paid for him to go to a good school, and get a degree, he chose film, and we have to respect that." My mom's good at making me feel lower than I already felt. Bitch.

The rest of dinner wasn't any better. It consisted of more questions of the same caliber from my dad, and similar remarks from my mom. Sufficed to say, it didn't go well.

Finally, after dinner, we managed to take Angelina away from my mom, and make our way out the door before she could 'convince' us to stick around.

The drive home was quiet for the most part, except for the occasional complaint from Roger about being carsick. It seemed to go much slower than the drive there. I didn't wanna bring up the April thing again, 'cause I didn't wanna upset Roger before getting home, 'cause that meant going to bed angry.

I never did bring up the April issue again, 'cause since that visit to my mom's, Roger's been spending more time with Angelina, and I wanted to spend what time we did have not fighting. In fact, I made sure not to say anything at all to upset him.


	11. Il Adore

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, nor will I ever.

**Notes:** This is the very LAST chapter of this fic, finally! I've had this for so long, and wasn't sure if or when I was gonna post it. But, I did, so please enjoy. I wrote this like... years ago (like a year or maybe two), and I don't write RENT fics anymore, so please bare with me.

* * *

**  
Il Adore**

It was getting closer I could feel it. I knew the end wasn't too far off. I had just hoped it wouldn't come at all, though that was just wishful thinking. It had been five years since our Angelina came into this world, and she was more like Roger than I wanted to admit. Sure she had her mother's hair, nose, and mouth, and my eyes, and ears, but she was truly Roger's little girl.

I look back on it now, wondering where the time went, and how it seemed to go by so fast. It's not fair, knowing that he was going to die, and actually having to go through with his death. It was too soon. He had so much more life in him, yet it was being pulled away from him. Like a carpet being swept from underneath him, and no way to catch himself. Losing his balance… on life.

I'd watch her sit beside him on the hospital bed, in that cold, white room that smelled horribly of death, and other chemicals, while he was tied up to machines keeping him alive for the most part. He would ask me not to film him in this state, but I couldn't help it. I wanted every last moment with him, even if it meant looking his worst. It was so hard to see him like this, knowing he used to be so full of life; laughing, screaming… just being Roger. I was already missing watching him play his guitar.

He had been teaching her how to play the guitar. Like I said, she was so much like him, her personality, her attitude, her ambitions. Even at five years old, she was already being sassy. He had taught her his ways of manipulation when it came to me. He always knew how to get what he wanted out of me, no matter how many times I'd say no, and now she did too, but not even just of me, but of everyone. Maybe it was just the fact she was only five years old, or that we all loved her very much.

I wasn't ready to lose him, and the longer he was there, in that hospital room, the more real it became. The more I realized this was it, and we had to make the most of it. She did. She always did.

She was a very smart little girl, and not only did she pick things up right away, she memorized things just as quickly, and they always stuck. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was Roger's biological child. She certainly had all his mannerisms down. Every little thing Roger used to do, she would do. It's true what they say; the first five years of a child's life is the most influential.

"Daddy, will you be able to come home soon?" Angelina said, taking her daddy's hand into her much smaller, delicate one.

Roger just smiled at her; that smile that always got to me. The one that could always make me blush at a moments notice, and get me flustered. "I don't know, baby." He coughed violently, and I pulled her away from him so she wouldn't be scared. I should have known she wouldn't. She's Roger's child. "If I do, then I'll how you the easiest way to get to daddy," he said, pointing to me. I sneered at him, then he continued. "Without him getting mad. And don't forget the pouty face I taught you."

She showed him the face, and he laughed, then coughed again. Every time he coughed I cringed, so afraid that would be it. That it would be his final breath, and I'd have to explain to Angelina why daddy wasn't coming home. I dreaded that moment more than his actual death, because I knew I wouldn't be able to tell her without sobbing uncontrollably.

"That's my girl." He caressed her cheek softly, and she giggled.

"Roger," I lowered my camera, and smiled weakly at him. "Do you need anything? Something to drink? Eat? Another pillow, maybe?"

He beckoned me over to him with his hand, and I went to his side, sitting beside him, pulling Angelina to my lap. "I would like a kiss." He gave me that smirk he used to always give me right before he'd 'attack' me in bed.

It brightened my smile some, and I leaned over and pressed my lips softly to his. "Come on, you can do better than that."

"Roger," I exclaimed, giving him that, 'not in front of Angelina' look, and he used the pouty face he taught her on me.

"Please?"

Angelina looked up at me, giving me that same look, and how could I resist them. Damn, they were good. "Oh, all right." I leaned over again, and he wrapped an arm around my neck, pulling me down, and kissing me lingeringly.

Angelina giggled. "Eww, my daddies are kissing."

I felt my face flush, and pulled away from Roger. "Honey, that's just what people do when they love each other."

Roger laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" I scowled, glaring at him over Angelina's head.

"You. When I'm-" He glanced at her, then back to me. "Gone, are you gonna tell her all the sappy things about our lives?"

She turned her attention to me, lifting her head so she could see me better. I felt my face redden, though I tried to make it stop. "Well, yeah. Why not? She should know about the love her daddies shared."

Then she looked at him curiously. "Daddy, what do you mean by gone? Where are you going?" My heart broke hearing that, and a few tears escaped my eyes, sliding down my cheek.

Roger just smiled at her. He always told her the truth, about everything. He'd always say, 'Why hide it? She's gonna have to know eventually.' I just wasn't ready for her to know that we were losing him, though it was obvious this was the best time to tell her. She knew something was wrong, but we just told her daddy was sick.

"Baby girl," He started, drawing her to him, and sitting her down on the side of the bed. "I'm not gonna be around for much longer. I'm…" I could see it in his eyes this was more painful for him than what he was already going through. "I'm dying, and I won't be here for much longer."

And like Roger would, she put on a brave face, as if she already knew this, and smiled meekly at him. "I'll miss you, daddy."

I made the funeral arrangements with his mom's help. She always supported us, and our decision to have Angelina. If only my mom was that open-minded. He didn't last more than a few hours after he told Angelina, and she didn't cry the entire time we were at the hospital, when his heart monitor stopped, and the doctors and nurses came rushing in, pushing us out. I watched through the window as they tried to revive him, clutching her tightly, and sobbing the entire time. Not her, though.

She hugged me as tightly as her little arms would allow her, comforting me. I'm supposed to comfort her, and she was comforting me. I don't know if it was because she was so young, and didn't quite understand what death was, or she knew, but she knew Roger would always be with her in spirit. At least that's what he told her. Either way she didn't cry. Well, not until the funeral anyway.

"Daddy," she began softly, her tears falling gracefully down her rosy little cheeks. "Why did daddy have to die?"

_Can I just die now? How am I going to answer that question without falling apart? Telling her about Roger's past without actually telling her? Where's Maureen when you need her? This is definitely a mommy question._ That was what I was thinking when she asked that question. Not to mention the sudden burst of tears my eyes received while contemplating how to answer that question.

"Well, honey- uh, I'm not-" I knelt down beside her, and couldn't help but smile. "Because honey, it was daddy's time."

"Where did he go? Will he even come back? Can I visit him?" Her eyes full of wonder and curiosity.

I laughed bitterly. "No honey, I wish we could. He… He's in heaven now." I couldn't contain my tears. They poured from my eyes, like waves crashing on a shore.

"What's heaven? It is a nice place?"

I nodded, and smiled. "Yeah, it's a nice place."

"Is it like the city? I love the city. So did daddy…" A beautiful little smile formed across her lips as she trailed off into her thoughts, thinking of the trips her and Roger went on, venturing through New York City.

I laughed suddenly. That was a question that took me by surprise. Roger's little girl through and through.

"What's so funny daddy?"

I smiled brightly at her, just thinking of Roger running around in a field, and it suddenly turned into NYC. Then him, standing in the middle of Time Square, wailing away at his guitar. "Just thinking about daddy, honey."

"I miss him." Her smile faded, as did mine, and she ran into my arms and gave me the biggest hug she could.

"I miss him too, honey. Hey, you ready to go home?" The funeral had already ended, and we had been standing beside his grave, just watching them fill the hole that held our beloved.

"Is mommy and mommy Joanne going to be there?" Her face perked up.

"Yes, and uncle Collins and aunt Latrice will be there too. Just like here." Collins was the only one left. First Angel, then Mimi, now Roger. As for Latrice, Latrice is another drag queen, much like Angel was, who stole Collins attention, and his heart. Not that he didn't still love Angel, cuz he always will, but he found someone else like him, who loved him for who he was, and he loved him… I mean her.

She smiled sweetly. "Okay."

The drive home was quiet. No questions about where daddy went, or even things like, 'I'm hungry,' or 'I have to go potty.' Nothing like that. Just silence.

We arrived at the loft, where everybody had already gathered. It's strange how people have a party after a funeral. Why? To celebrate? To drown your sorrows in alcohol, or other substances? To console with friends and loved ones? All I wanted was to go home, put Angelina to bed, then fall against my bed, and not move for years. I was physically, and emotionally exhausted.

Friends and family consoled us, as expected. Maureen even dropped her usual childish act and behaved like the Maureen I knew when we first met. She wasn't always like this. At one time she was a shy girl. She certainly didn't have the charisma or fighting spirit as this Maureen does.

My parents were there, which actually came as a surprise. My sister was there too. I guess after all these years, they finally figured out we were all family. I got a hug from dad, and a whole mess of kisses from mom, riddled with worry. And poor Angelina got the worse from grandma. My sister gave her condolences, as well as a few kisses of her own. The cousins all hugged Angelina, though she didn't quite understand why they were all hugging her.

It was like that for hours before the party finally dissipated. Angelina had already fallen asleep on my lap a couple hours before. Another hour went by before everybody else finally left. I put her down, and went to bed myself with no intentions of moving for weeks.

Maureen learned to play mom, while I had to work, taking Angelina for me. Benny offered to pay for the funeral, but I knew if Roger knew that 'yuppy scum' paid for his funeral, he'd be turning over in his grave. Not to mention, he'd probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Although, I certainly wouldn't have minded that. Benny did, however, give me the loft, as a gift. It came as quite a shock, but he seemed to have taken a liking to Angelina. Saying how he wished he and Alison would have kids. I never would've pegged Benny as the fatherly type.

That helped though. Having the loft, knowing it was ours, legally, and there was no way Benny could take it from us. And with the fear of Benny trying to make me pay rent gone, I finally got a heater installed, so we wouldn't freeze in the winter. Even had the window replaced in what was once Roger's room. He busted it during one of our fights, and it was left like that because we couldn't afford replacing it.

It was so weird being in that loft without the sound of Roger's guitar wailing Musetta's Waltz, slightly off key, or something he wrote, or even tried to write. _How could you go and die? What a lonely, selfish thing to do. Leaving me alone with our daughter. __**Our**__ daughter, Roger. _I missed him so much.

Today, I'm giving my little girl away. She's all grown up now, and not so little anymore. If only Roger could see how beautiful she became. I'm sure he can, but it's not the same. She looks so much like him, which is beyond strange, but I'm certainly not complaining. If it were at all possible, she _would_ have been his biological daughter.

She looked so beautiful in her wedding dress. I can't believe it's been eighteen years since Roger died. She's a woman, about to start a life of her own. The boy she's marrying is someone she's known since they were in grade school, and I know he's a good person. _I know he'll take good care of our little girl, Roger. _

Maureen has been frantic all day, making sure Angelina was just perfect. Her and Joanne finally ended about eight years ago, and she's been on and off with another woman, but Joanne is still a big part of our lives. She would still visit us almost everyday, and Angelina would still call her mom, though Maureen got pissy about that. Same old Maureen.

Over the last eighteen years, Angelina blossomed from the sweet little girl that Roger saw, and knew before he took his final breath, to a beautiful young woman. Her teen years, though, were as I had expected. She was full of angst, anger, and sorrow, especially when she'd get her heart broken by a boy she had a crush on. She used to dress up all in black, wearing interesting makeup, and just go out. She even joined a local rock band; playing the fender Roger left her, which helped her channel that angst, and anger she had.

Everyday after he died, for a whole year, we'd go to his grave, and just talk to him as if he were right there, listening. I swear I could hear his guitar playing Musetta's Waltz softly in the wind. She did too. After that, we would go once a year on the anniversary of his death. His headstone was simple. It read: "Roger Davis. Father, lover, pretty boy front man. May 13th - November 2nd." He died in the fall. He hated the fall, and now, so do I.

"Daddy, are you ready?" I was sitting on a chair outside the room Angelina was getting ready in. She had opened the door, and tapped me on the shoulder.

I smiled brightly at her. "Just waiting for you."

I stood up, hearing my bones creak, and she wrapped her not-so-little arms around my neck, hugging me; she was taller than me. Then again, who wasn't? I could hear her crying softly.

"You wish daddy were here, don't you? Me too." She pulled away, and I reached up, wiping her tears before her makeup smeared, and she smiled.

"He would've been the one to walk you down the isle, huh?"

She shook her head. "No. I would've wanted both of you to do it. One on each arm." She hooked her arm into mine, and I walked her to the door, smiling. The wedding march began, and I led her down the isle to the man who'd be taking her away from me.

After the wedding, we had a huge reception at the loft. All her friends were there, as well as our family. Much like Roger's funeral, but this was truly a reason to celebrate, and the only consoling being done was for Maureen, who was crying on my shoulder.

"She grew up way to fast, Marky." I held her, hugging her. She finally stopped flirting with me a few years ago, really making an attempt to be faithful to her girlfriend. She grew up, which surprised me, but she truly became mom. Especially after Roger died.

"Yes, she did." I had my camera on the whole time. The funny thing is, when it came to filming the wedding, I set up the camera by the pulpit, so I could capture everyone walking down the isle, as well as seeing the groom. Then once I 'gave her away', I took over filming. I had to make sure to get every little moment. Like now.

I spoke briefly with Maureen, then wandered the room, filming it all. Still hiding behind that damn camera. Like Roger said.

Once the party slowly dissolved, and it was just family and close friends, I brought out the projector; I had to get a new one, because the other one finally broke on me. My camera somehow managed to last this long, though it has seen it's share of repair shops. I played old videos of when Roger and I were teenagers, and wondered how Roger never really seemed to change much. How he was always so beautiful to me, and never seemed to age.

I showed videos of us when we first moved into the loft, and of a younger Collins and Benny even, and Maureen, who cried out how young she looked, and wished she still had that figure. Angelina and I shook our heads, and laughed. Maureen hasn't changed much either, except maybe for a few grays, which she managed to hide with hair coloring.

I showed videos of Angel, Mimi, Joanne, and just all of us. My favourite has to be the time we all went to the Life Café, and danced on the tables. Angelina seemed to enjoy it too. She was smiling, and crying at the same time, as was I, and her new husband comforted her, and held her hand, and I realized she didn't need me for that anymore.

My truly favourite videos to show though were of Maureen while she was pregnant with Angelina, and Mo screamed at me for showing that.

"Mom, you looked beautiful there. You still do. You always do." She had my knack for saying the right things to Maureen, which caused her to smile and continue to watch.

The next video was of the actual birth. Of Mo screaming at me for putting her through that, and Roger laughing, before they kicked him out. Once Angelina was born they let him back in. Of Roger taking her into his arms as soon as he came back in. Everyone cooed, and awed at how beautiful she was. I controlled my tears, surprisingly, and Angelina blushed.

The rest of the videos were of Angelina growing up. The first five years with Roger, and how it showed she was truly his baby girl. There was footage of Roger teaching her how to play the acoustic guitar with a smaller acoustic guitar he found at the pawnshop. It was still to big for her, so he'd sit on the floor with her, holding it with her, and showing her where to put her little fingers, and how to strum the guitar.

We watched as he taught her all the songs he knew, including Musetta's Waltz, though she perfected it, as well as the song he had written for Mimi. However, he changed the words, and it became a lullaby for Angelina.

That really made her cry. She'd watched these before, over the years, but this time there was more to it. She stood up, ran to her room, and brought out that guitar, which was now the perfect size for her. She sat down on the table, guitar in lap, and began tuning it. It reminded me of Roger. Once tuned, she began the song.

"Your eyes, as we said our goodnights. Can't get them out of my mind, and I find I can't hide, from your eyes. The ones that took me by surprise. The day you came into my life, where there's sunlight, I see your eyes. I'll never let you slip away, not as long as I'm holding you. Now I'd live just one more day, if that meant that I could just hold you. If that meant I could just hold you. When I look into your eyes; you're so beautiful, and wise. You, as the song will go on, and this song will never die. I should tell you, I should tell you, I will always love you. You can see it in my eyes." She barely got through the song before the tears poured out of her eyes.

Her friends, and my parents clapped, but the rest of us, we knew. That song meant so much more than some of them realized, and we were all crying. I wanted to go to her, to hold her, and tell her Roger was here with us now, but her husband was there, and that's what he's there for.

I showed a few more videos before the night officially ended. Angelina left with her husband to go on their honeymoon. I told her they could live with me, just until they got on their feet, and she was so happy, she hugged me, kissed me on the cheek, and agreed. The rest of the guests left too, and I was left all alone with a messy loft, and my memories.

So, I'm here… nowhere.


End file.
